Some Are Born Lucky
by YoungAndRestless
Summary: Edd/ Double D and Marie! LEMONS! Some of the darkest pieces of humanity are explored in this story of maturing and learning that the world is a darker place than first assumed. Double D deals with his own tragedy as he struggles to stay afloat and look forward to the future. As the line between friend and foe is blurred, Double D learns that everyone is struggling to float too.
1. Invitations

**Several years after the Big Picture Show, the Ed's are now in Peach Creek High as seniors. At the end of the movie, the kids from the cul-de-sac finally come to accept the troublesome trio into their fold, and life seems to get better for them.**

"Edward, and impressive thesis! You've really outdone yourself this time," the teacher whispered as she handed back my paper. I grinned happily at her, then quickly hid it, self conscious of the gap in between my two front teeth. I flipped through the essay, searching for corrective red marks, and not finding any. At the end of my final paragraph, in red ink, a glowing review of my paper was hand written by the teacher, complimenting my wonderful effort and final product.

The bell rang, and after I slowly packed up my things, I called back to the teacher a brief and polite thank you for another day of education before being the final one to march out of the classroom. Kevin slapped me a high five before turning and walking backwards to talk to me as I headed in the opposite direction towards my locker.

'Yo, Double D, what'd you get on that history paper?" he called out.

"An A+," I replied proudly, turning likewise and talking to him.

"Choice! What about that statistic's test?"

"Also an A+," I called out again.

"Dork!" he laughed playfully. The word that he had used to torment myself and my two closest comrades as juveniles merely made me laugh. I cupped my hand to call back a response when my back slammed into somebody behind me.

"Oh, humblest apologies, Nazz, I wasn't vigilant as to where I was walking," I choked, trying to remain calm and I snaked past her. I opened my locker quickly, my hands shaking at her proximity as she leaned against my locker, smiling at me.

"Oh, it's ok! I was actually looking for you," she chirped, her red, red lips shimmying.

"For me?" I croaked as the metal door swung open with a crash. I tried to remove the books from my brown, cross body bag, only to have them fall heavily to the floor. Nazz giggled charmingly at my nervous clumsiness and I quickly snatched the textbooks from the ground, shoved them in my locker, straightened my yellow tie in the magnetic mirror, and closed it quickly. "How can I be of assistance?"

"Well," she said, straightening her hair and admiring her nails, "ya' know that stats test?" I nodded to confirm and reminded myself to keep my eyes on her face; puberty had treated her _very_ well. "I didn't do so good on it," she pouted, her lipstick red lips sticking out, causing me to grow hotter under the collar. She tugged the white tank top she now wore without the black undershirt lower, revealing more of her cleavage, and sighed in sadness. My subconscious corrected her terrible grammar, and I smiled cheerfully at her.

"I'd be more than happy to help you study for the retake," I replied, tugging on my black sock hat nervously. Her eyes lit up, and she bounced up and down, thanking me profusely, saying to meet her at her place that night around six, before sashaying away, her denim mini skirt drawing my attention.

An encouraging pat on my back drew me from my reverie. "I don't know how you do it, sockhead, but nice work! Another date with Nazz." Eddy swaggered up beside me, winking at me suggestively.

"Come now, Eddy, she only needs help in stats," I whined, trying to hide my blush.

"Whatever you say, Double D!" Ed nearly shouted, his goofy grin shining down on me.

"So, gentlemen," I asked, eager to change the subject, "what tomfoolery do we have on the agenda for this evening?" Eddy's teasing grin instantly twisted into an angry groan.

"None. I got detention again," he growled, shoving his hands down into his pockets.

"You really should stop leaving chewed gum on Harrison's desk, Eddy," I chastised. "He knows it's you." Eddy stomped away angrily, and Ed and myself strolled out into the autumn afternoon, warm and comfortable. He blathered about some new comic book he had read, but soon Sarah came outside, and together, the siblings walked home.

I smiled as they walked away, and I turned to take a longer but more scenic route, enraptured by the palette that Mother Nature had used to paint the oaks and maples with this year. After a few moments, my footsteps weren't the only ones I heard.

"Hiya, cutie," came the high pitched, taunting voice. I swallowed heavily, and tried to steady my voice.

"H-Hello, Marie." After middle school, things had changed. The Kankers stopped the physically abuse and torture, and we all became better acquainted. Once they stopped beating us up, we found they weren't nearly as awful as before. "H-How was your day?"

"Boring and lame," Marie sighed, pulling a something I hadn't seen before from her pocket. "That stupid Ms. Telleuh is a totally windbagging bitch." I winced at her language, still unaccustomed to such rough prose. "She called me out again in class, asked why my chem. Lab was so awful again." Desperate to change it to a better subject, I scratched my arm nervously.

"How are things at home? How's Lee?" Several months ago, Lee had stopped coming to school all together, and I hadn't seen her since. I saw May around, and she spent most her time either with May or with Ed, reading comic books at lunch. They'd starting dating a few weeks ago, and Eddy was baffled that of the three of us, Ed was the first with a girlfriend.

"Fine." Marie's answer was short, curt, and seethed with unspoken warning. Anxiously, I searched for a safe topic, something that wouldn't insult and upset her, and my eyes landed on the metal tube in her hand.

"What's that?" I asked, pointing.

"What, this?" She shook the little tube at me for a second and raised it to her lips. She pressed at the bottom of it, and a crackling noise filled the crisp air as her thin chest rose with an inhale. She pulled the tube away and blew a unexpected smog into my face. I cried out and batted away the smoke, noting the fruity scent that filled my nose. "It's my mod," she cackled, laughing at my timid display. She blew another cloud at me, and I cried out again in anger.

"Cut it out!" I used my yellow tie to cover my nose and mouth, not wanting to inhale it anymore.

"Relax, dreamboat," she sighed, closing her eyes with a teasing grin, showing her blue eye shadow. "It's just water vapor; ya' know, like from a pot of boiling water?" I ordered her to nevertheless stop blowing the particles at me and after one more small puff of gas spat at me teasingly, she agreed to stop before shoving the mod back into her cargo pants pocket. Unlike the other females of the neighborhood, Marie hadn't changed with time. Her hair was still shaggy and blue, and she wore a cropped black tank that exposed her flat midsection, driving the teachers batty. Her pink belt and holey cargo pants, topped off with her ratty black Vans were the same things she wore as a kid. The other girls opted for tighter, sexier things, but Marie stuck with her comfort.

"See ya later, buttercup," she called out as she turned to take a different path to the trailer park.

"Please, Marie, aren't we too old for the pet names?" I sighed, straightening my tie.

"Nope, never!" she began walking away, but I called out to her, offering to swing by later and make some corrections to her chemistry lab for her. She chewed her lip for a while longer. "Yeah, alright, you can come by, see ya' around six?"

"Actually, might I make my appearance ever so slightly sooner? I promised to help Naz with her studying at six." Marie's eyes clouded over with something I didn't recognize, but she said that five would be fine. I hurried home and requested Mother to make dinner early, explaining that I had a tutoring session with Nazz at five. For a reason I couldn't identify, I felt the need to hide the fact that I would be stopping by the Kanker residence first.


	2. Outsider Looking In

I walked along cheerily, my brown book bag bouncing against my leg as I strolled on, whistling a chipper tune through my two front teeth. The moon lit my path, and I found it very easy to see where I was going. As I exited the alley and came up the junkyard, I treaded carefully, trying to not step in some rotting rubbish or viscous liquid. The flies buzzed about in the warm evening, and I checked my bag again, seeing if both my statistics book and chemistry book packed.

The junkyard eventually opened up into the trailer park, and various mobile homes were bright with inner light. As I passed each one, I could hear the noises of life coming from each individual household. From one, the blaring of a news channel. Another, the sizzle and pop of food being fried. In yet another, I heard a woman animatedly gossiping about something that had occurred at work. Here, life wasn't private or secluded; the neighbors could hear everything that happened.

As the Kanker's residence came into view, a groan of disgust, quickly followed by a bemused chuckle, escaped my throat, as I remembered all the times we three hooligans were dragged here unwillingly for a make out session that none of us had agreed too. My nostalgic reminisce was interrupted as the sounds of the Kanker's home grew louder as I closed the distance.

Shouting and crashing could be heard behind the metal door; in the lit window, silhouettes danced and lunged for one another, distorted. Checking my watch to make sure I was exactly on time, I waited until the face read exactly five o'clock before rapping on the door politely.

Banging and cursing sounded off beyond the impassable door, and I squinted against the sudden brilliance of direct lamplight to my eyes, which had grown accustomed to the dark. Marie stood in the doorway, looking haggard and exhausted. On her hip, a baby bounced, screeching with anger. Beyond Marie, Lee was shouting at May, whose eyes were so big with disbelief, I thought they could possibly rupture. The TV illuminated the room with a pale blue light. On the couch, I saw a massive, expansive woman passed out, her head thrown back, her mouth wide open, emitting a snore that could have been a siren. On the floor beside her open palm, a large bottle of liquor poured freely onto the stained carpet.

"God dammit," Marie swore, seeing my stunned face. "May, take Shay!" She shouted over the din. She dashed across the room, threw the infant into her sister's arms, and ran back across the tiny space. Before the door slammed shut, May screamed at her sister, asking her why she couldn't hold him.

Marie snatched my wrist as the metal door banged shut behind her, barely quieting the battlefield within. She dragged me away to the forest that lined the trailer park, and we plunged deep into the darkness. I stumbled after her completely mindlessly, my eyes now light blinded. After a time, she stopped, dropped my wrist, and disappeared up a tree. She motioned me to follow her up, and after struggling up with my weak biceps, she helped to haul me onto the branch next to her. The tree, a humble pine, grew dangerously close to a sheer faced cliff.

We sat in silence, and she eventually began to take long, exaggerated drags off of her vapor mod. Wordlessly, she finally yanked out her chem. Lab, which was balled up in her pants pocket. I began working over it with my red pen, waiting for something, anything, to ease this palpable tension.

"I didn't realize you had a baby brother," I blurted out, hoping that the child was a positive subject for her. Marie snorted, and I knew I had struck out.

"That ain't my brother, that's my nephew," she grunted, blowing another cloud into the night. I blinked at her in shock, and she gave me a grin that had no trace of happiness in it. "Lee had him a few months ago. He's been a damn terror since." More silence, and I turned back to the papers in my hand.

"It was a pleasure meeting your mom," I offered; as far as I recall, that was the first sighting I'd ever had of a parental figure for the three sisters. Marie cracked up laughing, bitter and flat.

"Yeah, she's a real gem, ain't she?" she hissed angrily. "God damn piece of work." More silence followed. "Hey, at least she leaves about eighty bucks a month for food and shit, right? Wouldn't want to be recklessly spending our money now. Essentials; booze and lotto tickets only." I swallowed, trying to find a way to dig me out of this hole I'd found myself in. "I hate that baby; I wish I didn't, I know it isn't his fault he's always crying. But he _never_ stops. He's always hungry, or needs to be bathed, or changed, or coddled! What with Lee working full time now to support us, and me trying to finish school… well, I'm sure you've noticed May's attendance is steadily dropping. I'm not far behind." I didn't bother asking why their mother didn't assist with the childcare.

She began humming a tune that I couldn't place, and afraid to upset her further, I remained quiet, editing her lab while my mind was whizzing in confusion, absorbing everything. As time passed, her brow relaxed, and she almost was smiling as she hummed herself a tune that was only meant to be understood by her. About twenty minutes later, I sighed with surprise. "Wow, this paper needs a lot of work," I muttered to myself. I instantly wish I had kept my foot in my throat when I realized I had vocalized my thoughts.

"You know, Edward," she drawled in irritation, "not all of us are born lucky." I blinked in surprise.

"Me?" I questioned incredulously. "Lucky?" I was a socially awkward teenaged boy with a OCD compulsion that drove me to label everything in my room. My day was scheduled down to the very minute, and should I start running late within sixty seconds I began to sweat with fear. I was the kid picked last for kickball teams, and I spent all my free time in my room, studying. How on earth was I lucky?

"Yeah, you," she hissed, glancing at me, and then turning full faced towards me. "Not all of us are rich white males living in a three floor house. Not all of us have a genius IQ, large word bank and a charming smile. Not all of us are born with resources and happiness dished out freely. Not all of us have friends and are loved by the teachers, Double D. We can't all afford hot water, and get flawless grades and go to college like you." She rested her chin in her hands, staring out over the precipice. She glanced dreamily at the deadly drop below us, before shaking her head and looking at the stars, her eyes reflecting their hope. "Some of us are lucky to pay off rent each month and still feed ourselves. Some of us are lucky enough if we even get to go to school that day. Hell, very few of us are lucky to live to adulthood and still dream of something…more." I stared at her, her face turned to the heavens, finally understanding her.

After the Incident that had gotten us three Eds chased out of town, we had gained acceptance amongst our peers. The Kankers, however, did not. They were still outcasts, on the fringes of social interactions, the "bad kids" you didn't want your mother to see you talking to. Whenever the sisters joined another conversation, the crowd would find a way to melt off in different directions. Growing up, selfishly I never wondered about their home life; never asked why wasn't their parents around to tell them it was wrong to beat up the other kids. With hindsight, maybe their parents weren't around ever. Even worse, maybe the girls were just reflecting the treatment they got at home.

I cleared my throat, the sentimentality causing my lungs to tighten. I flipped through the papers theatrically, trying to move myself, to remove myself from this…life that Marie had been living all these years. "Well, there's also some good things in this paper. If you just changed this and this, and move this here…" I rallied off some of the key editing points I had created, and she watched me through half lidded eyes, hardly listening. "You don't seem particularly devoted to what I'm saying," I finally said, her disconnected gaze telling me it was all for naught.

She shrugged her shoulders, snatched the paper back from my hands, and shoved it into her pocket. "Eh, who cares anyway? Not like I can do better than what's already there." My soul reached out for her as I read her features; resignation and defeat pushed her lips down into a frown. She jumped recklessly from the branch and landed easily, and I began to inch off the branch. When I felt myself begin to descend, I panicked, and caught myself awkwardly, halfway on and off the branch. "Just jump, I'll catch you," she laughed below me. After a few more shouted encouragements, I let go, and landed heavily, her hands catching me under my armpits and my waist, helping to ease the impact. After laughing at my athletic skills, we strolled back towards the park.

She smiled the whole trek back, making small talk. I investigated her face, searching for any hint of the Marie from earlier, of any pain from the prior events. Even when the shouting and smashing from inside her home reached our ears, her smile didn't falter. Her mask was well practiced. She said goodnight to me, and took a long hit off of her mod. When I gave her a disapproving grin, she chortled at me.

"Hey, better take up this than drugs," she sang, opening the door to her house again. As she slipped in, outpoured the sounds of crying, shouted arguments, and an unemotional news anchor droning about trouble around the world. Then the door was shut, and the sound barely muted, but I was outside of it again. Not a part of it, just an outsider looking in. However, now I had been inside, and I had seen what was real, and… well, I didn't see things the same.

I slowly stumbled back to my cul-de-sac, a wealthier area, blindly, my mind still whirling with vapor and moonlight and screaming babies and hurtful words. When I found myself at Nazz's door and I knocked, my thoughts weren't even with my body. When she opened the door and welcomed me in warmly, I didn't notice. Unbeknownst to me, I was seven minutes late. I didn't realize it, and she didn't care.


	3. Victim

**This scene is a little graphic; reading a M rated story means you acknowledge that. This is my author's note and disclaimer; a rather graphic molestation and rape scene takes place.**

Nazz led me to her room, and I followed blindly. To my right, as we passed an open archway, I think her parents were cleaning up dinner. The clatter of silverware and dishes rang as the dishwasher was loaded. Nazz quickly climbed the stairs, and I followed numbly with less gusto. I stumbled into her bedroom, and she closed it behind us. She yanked out her math book from her backpack and bounced onto her mattress. The book fell open before her as she lay on her stomach, her chin rested in one of her soft palms. I took in my surroundings; the walls were white, and various posters and pictures were hung. Boy bands I hadn't heard of, celebrities who meant little to me. The lamp on her desk cast a dim glow about the room. A few picture frames sat on her end table; a photo of her and Sarah in bikinis, Kevin kissing her on the cheek.

"Uh, Double D, you feeling okay?" I broke from my reverie, and returned my gaze to her. She appraised me with a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, her ruby lips a slight frown. I shook myself and told her I indeed felt fine. I looked about nervously, looking for a chair or stool I could pull up beside her raised mattress. "Double D, it's ok," she giggled, her short blonde hair swirling as she shook her head with a grin. "Just get up here!" She scooted over, and I tentatively clamored up onto the mattress beside her. I kicked off my blue shoes, instantly worried that my red socks would have a foul stench. My hands grew sweaty, and I swallowed hard, shifting from my mind being nowhere near my body to suddenly aware of every inch of it.

I dove into the tutoring session, and the less I focused on Nazz's proximity and more on the equations and hypothesis', the more relaxed I grew. Nazz struggled with every property, theory, and equation that was asked of her. It was obvious to me why she needed to retake this test; I wondered if she had paid attention in any of the classes the past three weeks. Every time she came to a long in coming correct answer, she would smile up at me gleefully from where she was lying next to me.

I was in the middle of explaining a lengthy principle of a null hypothesis when Nazz's sigh cut me off. "Wow, Double D. You're _so_ good at this." I blinked, my brain resetting to the discussion and not the explanation.

"Thank you, Nazz," I said with a small smile. "Now, back to the hypothesis…"

"Honestly," she continued, rolling onto her back, "I just don't understand how you can understand all of it." Her white tank top slipped up, revealing the lowest section of her abdomen. Her tight, short jean skirt fell a little open, showing her inner upper thigh. I looked away from her, my nervousness slamming back into my consciousness like a brick wall.

"I-I just study a lot, I hope to be a doc- doctor someday," I choked, my whole body shaking uncontrollably. The mattress squeaked as she moved, and I suddenly felt her breath on my cheek. My head twitched back towards her, and her face was inches from mine.

"Wow, you're so motivated," she cooed, her ruby lips smiling secretively. "You're gonna' save lives." Her cleavage nearly popped out of her shirt, the white fabric trying to screen across her flesh. My eyes couldn't resist the urge to peek before looking back up are her brown eyes, framed with liner and mascara.

My heart raced with the possibilities of what she was insinuating. Her head rolled to the left, showing off the curvaceous and tempting plane of her neckline. Since I was in sixth grade, I'd wondered what this moment would be like. With whom, where. Sweat trailed from the edge of my hat down my spine, cold and causing me to shiver.

She kicked her leg around, straddling my hips. She leaned her weight on my shoulders, pushing me onto my back. My chest heaved with apprehension. "Nazz," I protested with a wavering voice. This was happening too fast. I wasn't ready. "Nazz, we aren't finished with the chapter yet."

"Oh, who cares about stupid statistics?" She sighed, stroking my cheek, her lips inches from mine. "We can work on it another night." She shifted, and her treacherous skirt rose around her hips, revealing black lace. She pressed her crotch against my hard member, and I whimpered with confusion and a growing fear.

Mistaking my whimper for a moan, her soft hands grabbed my wrists, her sharp nails pricking at my super sensitive skin. She placed my hands on her wide hips, her mouth smothering mine. I tried to say her name, but her tongue slipped through my teeth, worming its way into my mouth. My first kiss.

It was sloppy and hot, forceful and controlling. Her hands sneaked beneath her vagina and began to work open my zipper. This was too fast, too fast. "Nazz," I mumbled against her lipstick. She purred, glad I was saying her name as she slipped her hand down my briefs. I moaned; the first time another person had touched me.

Encouraged by my mistaken auditory cues, she worked her hand a little faster, and I wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't hurting me; there wasn't pain or dark alleys. But something, I wasn't sure what, held me down, made me swallow my words.

This wasn't right. This wasn't what I'd signed up for. I didn't want my first time like this.

Nazz shimmied her body down mine, working my pants and briefs down and around my ankles. She smirked sexily at me from further down the mattress, the weight of my head raised to look at her unbearable. There weren't any binds or chains holding me down but…her eyes kept me pinned to the mattress. Her crimson lips, peeled into a confident smile, strangled my vocal box. Her hand, slowly pumping on my penis, made me feel like I'd asked for it.

I should want this. I'd wanted to be Nazz's boyfriend since elementary school. She was the girl that all the guys wanted. I should be happy, no, overjoyed, to be chosen by her. I should be the happiest man on earth, and I should be ripping off her clothes and smothering every cubic centimeter of her skin with kisses and I should be burning up, begging for her to take off more of my clothes.

But I wasn't. I was frozen, filled with guilt and growing self-hate. Her mouth covered the tip of my sex, and I bucked with shock. Taking my fear for eagerness, she slid her moist throat down me. I wanted to tell her to stop, to slow down, that I wasn't ready. I couldn't explain why, but this…this wasn't what I wanted.

"Nazz," I gasped, trying to work through the invisible noose around my neck. Her mouth slunk from my length as her hand pumped faster, as she smirked up at me, dominating and proud.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice husky. "Yes, say my name." I swallowed, the disgust boiling in my stomach.

"Nazz…" I tried again, trying to rouse my limbs, which were lead and heavy. "Nazz, please…"

"Yes!" she growled heatedly, victory in her irises. "Beg for it." My fingers twitched, finally coming back to life. With all the effort I could muster, I lifted my small hands, and placed them on her shoulders, trying to push her away weakly.

Mistaking my attempt to stop her as a gesture of encouragement, she sunk her mouth back over my erection, working at it hungrily. The pleasure made me want to vomit; the pleasing image of her sucking me off made me hate myself, made me feel guilty. "Nazz, stop, pelase," I breathed, trying to push her away.

"Don't play coy," she warbled around my cock. Her hand slapped my palms off of her shoulders. One of my hands fell heavily onto the corner of her math book, and my knuckle throbbed with the impact.

Her parents were downstairs. I could shout, call for help. Why wasn't I screaming!? What was wrong with me!? This was the hottest girl in school! Any other guy would be happy to be here.

I pushed against her, harder, more commanding. "Nazz, stop." She winked at me.

"I never thought you'd be the one to like it rough," she replied sassily. "You can pull my hair if you want." This wasn't roll playing! How could she not understand?

"Nazz, I want you to stop," I said, my voice so, so weak. She nodded, and I was relieved that she was stopping. I took a single, relieved breath, when she was suddenly ripping her panties down her legs.

"You're right, foreplay isn't all that fun," she huffed, beginning to straddle me.

"No, Nazz, wait," I cried. She lowered her vagina down, and her weight and damn gravity pulled her onto me. She sighed as I sheathed inside her, and began to work herself rhythmically, her mouth a satisfied "o" and her eyes shut in physical satisfaction. The pleasure was sinfully good, and I couldn't control my body. It felt so incredibly good and I hated it. Hated myself. This shouldn't be happening.

"Nazz…" Her name, repeating as a broken record in my throat, wisped from my lips. Her eyes opened and she grinned at me. Her eyes suddenly lost their hazy film. They focused in on me, zeroing in with intensity. Her hips stopped moving, my penis still inside her as she leaned forward. She scraped her nail against my cheek. A single tear came away with her hand, magnifying her thumb print.

Nazz blinked rapidly, her mind beginning to clear the horny fog. Her head whipped left and right, taking in her surroundings, and finally her gaze met mine again. It was watery with regret and unspoken apologies. "Oh, Edward," she whispered sadly.

I hated how my name, my real name, sounded on her voice; it made me nauseous. I wanted to take my name and light it on fire, burnt and forgotten, no longer a weapon to be used against me. I hate how her voice curled around it, yet another unwanted caress. She slipped off of me, my penis making a revolting, slick sound as she slid her genitals off of mine. I sat up slowly, weakly, unable to run away fast enough. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry," she croaked, pulling her legs to herself and hugging them.

"Don't say my name," I choked, my voice cracking. I pulled my briefs and boxers up as fast as I could manage, my hands slipping multiple times and causing me to slow down.

"Double D, I didn't… I mean… I thought…" her words tumbled into the chilly evening air, meaningless and dead. Her sputtered excuses fell from her mouth and landed heavily on the mattress between us, made of lead.

"I said stop," I sobbed, more tears coming out. I took my notes and shoved them messily into my book bag that sat against her bed post. My phone shined from the bottom; a text message from my mother asked when I was supposed to be home, if I wanted to invite Nazz to dinner the next evening. I could have called for help.

"Double D, please, wait… let's talk-" I stumbled out of her bedroom, and the hallway light was blinding, bringing reality to my senses. I left the door half open, and the last I saw of Nazz was her eyes filled with guilt and confusion, her skirt still crumpled about her belly, her vagina still revealed.

I charged down the stairs, thundering away. Nazz's mother stuck her head out of the kitchen.

"Leaving so soon are you? It's only been an hour, did you get a lot done?" I looked at Nazz's mother without seeing, ready to expose what had happened.

"Everything went well, she's very smart." That wasn't what I wanted to say! Why wasn't I telling the truth? The faceless woman nodded, telling me to come to their home any day, I seemed like a good boy. I stumbled out the front door, closed it behind me, and shuffled home. I ignored my mother and father in the living room; both were home, a rare occasion. They asked me how things went and I wordlessly retreated to my room. I threw my bag onto the floor, the books spilling onto the floor messily in an absolutely pristine room. I dashed to the bathroom and locked the door.

I opened the shower valve, and the water began to pour from above as I ripped off my clothes. I stared at my reflection in the mirror; the white light, the plain white walls, the white towels, were all sterile and uncaring to my plight. Slowly, with trembling hands, I tore off my hat. The scars and dents on my scalp seemed highlighted beneath the judgmental lighting. I climbed into the shower, and the tears broke through the dam withholding them.

I curled up on the shower floor, my tears mixing with the painfully hot water. My body quaked with the force of my gasping sadness. I hated myself; I hated everything.

This was my fault. I could've screamed. I could've pushed her harder. I could've fought. I let it happen. I must've wanted it. I was rubbish. I was worthless. I let it happen. I let it happen. It was my fault.

After an hour of boiling myself and trying to scrub off her scent and the feeling of her hands and skin on mine, I crawled into bed. I fell asleep fitfully with silent tears. I finally fell into the sweet embrace of sleep, only to dream of her on me, around me, forcing me all over again.


	4. Victim Blaming

**Alright, now some of y'all got me pissed. To those who sent me reviews and messages saying that the rape scene was pointless, lemme tell you a little somethin' somethin':**

 **One in four women will be raped or molested in their lifetime. One in thirty three men will be raped or molested in the time they're in college alone. There's a reason I didn't mark the prior chapter as a Lemon, as I did with my other stories. That's because rape isn't sexy. It's not fun or happy, and that's why it had a disclaimer and wasn't marked as a Lemon. BECAUSE IT WASN'T A GOOD THING! Rape and molestation happens every day, and most people have one of two responses: they sexualize it, or ignore it. This story is marked Mature. The chapter had a disclaimer. If you didn't like it because the content was too mature or raw, I apologize, but I gave all the precautions necessary. If you just didn't like it just because your horny self just wanted fapfiction, then move along; all my stories have an actual plotline, sorry I couldn't satisfy your needs, I'm sure someone else will. To those of you who didn't like it because the attacker was a female, and the victim a male, first of, just get out. If you're so naïve to think only men are attackers, I don't even want you reading this. And, finally, to those who didn't like it because the attacker was the "hot" girl, or because you favor Nazz, please take a moment to understand that just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they can do whatever they want. Consent is everything; one in four victims of sexual attacks know their attackers. 80% of rapes aren't ever reported, and it's arguable that that's because victims are afraid of being blamed for their being attacked. This story covers controversial topics. Deal with it. Rape isn't "pointless." It can happen at any time to anyone, and it's time we stop shying away from the topic or sexualizing it.**

 **To those who are either supportive, or criticize the story in a constructive way (i.e, suggesting different sentence structure, criticize the pace, or are helping with the actual format, and NOT the story line) thank you. This is a website where I can write about whatever I want, and your reviews can either be constructive, or you can leave.**

 **This chapter has some coarse language.**

My alarm screeched in my ear early the next morning, bringing me to a startled awakening, suddenly upright and dripping with cold sweat. My eyes scanned the room, searching for the threat, and slowly, the nightmares of the night faded, and something worse took their place; reality. I turned off the alarm, and stared out my window. Yesterday, I had hopped out of bed, chipper and ready to further my educational endeavors. Today, I felt numb. The red numbers on the clock read 6:00am. The far eastern horizon was the slightest lighter shade of blue, the sunrise happily ringing in a new day. It made me sick.

I pulled the covers over my head and hid in my tiny fabric enclave of safety. I felt time ticking by; at this rate, I'd be late for first period. Any other day, I would've tore through the house, a whirlwind of stuttered exclamations in an empty house, my mother and father's cars already missing from the garage. Slowly, I fell into an interspatial limbo; time passed slowly and quickly, and I was not awake or asleep. The world was grey, my skin was grey, my emotions grey.

I'd read plenty on the human brain and the psychological occurrences. Perhaps it was too soon, but I was fairly certain I'd fallen to the common disease of depression. I'd also read that patients can feel relief at a diagnosis; a label to what was wrong with them, and if something had a label, it was treatable, maybe curable. I myself was a lover of labels; my entire personal sanctuary was labeled, from the bedpost to the stapler across the room on my desk.

I wish I felt relief. Wait, no. I wish _I wished_ to feel relief. I didn't even want to feel better. I didn't want or feel anything. The night before was a mental scar that I couldn't rid myself of. I felt skin on skin, nails dragging, panted breathes. I trembled as I was assaulted by my own brain, my friend all these years savagely turning into my perpetrator. It flashed images and memories, reminding me of what had happened.

Why? The word played, a scratched vinyl, whispering through my mind. These things weren't supposed to happen, not to me, not in this cul-de-sac. We'd grown up together, and never in a million year would I have imagined….

I grew hungry. I didn't care enough to get up. I grew hot. I didn't bother to toss of the blankets; I didn't want to see the sun and its damn cheerful rays. I eventually had to use the restroom, and when I crawled out from underneath the musty comforter and the room was a warm yellow with optimistic light, I shut the blinds. Everything was grey. I used the restroom, and I, the germ phobic neat freak, didn't wash my hands. I wished my skin would crawl. I wished I'd gag in disgust and rush to the sink, dousing myself in soap and scrubbing until the backs of my hands were raw, muttering, "filthy, filthy, filthy." But I didn't.

The doorbell rang, and I shrank deeper into my mattress, willing the delivery guy or the solicitor or whomever it was to disappear. I heard the front door handle jiggle and the creak as the wood swung open, and I fought the urge to hide; they must've used the spare key I'd shown them in cases of emergency. Ed and Eddy's loud voices trailed from downstairs, and I heard the fridge open and close before I heard their pounding footsteps on the stairs. It'd be no time at all, until they crossed the landing, walked down the hall….

"Hey, Sockhead, where were you today?" Eddy's jarring voice asked as the crisp pop of a soda can clipped the air. I stayed hidden under the covers, my cocoon of warmth keeping them outside. The blankets lifted away, and Ed peered at me, curious and slightly worried.

"Double D, are you feeling well?" he asked, his goofy voice as somber as it could possibly be. His hand pressed to my forehead, and my voice, which hadn't been used all day, cracked from my dry lips.

"No, I believe I have the flu," I lied, trying to sneak back into the darkness.

"Well," Eddy slurped, wiping some dribbled refreshment from his upper lip, "keep away from me. I don't need to get sick."

"We were looking for you today, Double D," Ed smiled, sitting heavily on the bed near me. I shrank away a little, not wanting to be touched.

"Yeah, I wanna' know how it went," Eddy grinned, winking at me. I felt nauseous. I stayed quiet, tugging nervously at my black hat. "Ya' know, how'd the tutor session go with Nazz?"

"She wasn't at school today either," Ed mused. "Maybe she stayed up late last night reading the New 52 comics."

"That's only the stupid things you do, Ed," Eddy growled, rolling his eyes. I quaked in my bed; did I dare to tell them the truth? Hot and cold mixed in my gut, screaming for both concealment and exposure. Eddy was looking at me expectantly, and his eyes were beginning narrow in suspicion and confusion. "Why are you all wrapped up like that, come on, get out and talk to us," he snorted.

"I don't want to," I muttered, staying in place. Eddy rolled his eyes and slurped more from the tin can loudly.

"Did you finally win the princess's heart, and spirit her away from the demons that held her prisoner?" Ed asked, smiling encouragingly at me. _Not exactly,_ I thought in disgust.

"Ed, shut up," Eddy groaned, irritated. Ed ignored Eddy's snide command and smiled encouragingly, comfortable with who he was. I stayed quiet and tried to melt into the background, praying I'd be forgotten. I wasn't.

"Quit stalling, Sockhead, spill!" Eddy burped, tossing the still partially full can of soda into my waste reciprocal. My throat twisted shut, a tight ball forming in my neck, too large and too uncomfortable. Tears brimmed, words coiled, reality slammed against my chest.

I don't remember telling them what happened. I don't remember the break down or the flowing of the words or my shaky, gasping breaths as I struggled to stay afloat on the sea of last night, huge waves cresting and crashing against me, pulling me, dragging me down beneath the surface, down, down, down, drowning….

"Wow, you lucky dog," Eddy smirked at me. I broke from my mental torture, blinking in confusion.

"Pardon me?" I whispered.

"You're right where every guy in the neighborhood wants to be!" Eddy whooped, winking at me. "Wait till everyone else hears, you'll be like a hero!" I felt my insides clench, and I felt bile gather in the corners of my mouth. Ed looked between the two of us, confusion filling his eyes.

"Eddy, you're not getting it," I croaked. How do you explain this to one who doesn't see?

"I think I got enough, you sneaky little shit," he winked.

"That's not what happened," I protested, insulted.

"Didn't you just say that you and Nazz hooked up?" Eddy tilted his head in confusion.

"No! I most certainly did not!" I shouted, sitting up in bed, the covers flinging off my back.

"Well then, what happened?" Eddy shouted back, his ego flaring at my raised voice. My throat grew tight again; to give what happened a word, to say it aloud and label it would make it real.

"I didn't want it," I whispered, my quiet voice curling in the air, keeping to itself, trying not to be noticeable or take up room.

"Why?" Eddy snorted, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "She's the biggest babe in school."

"I don't know," I mumbled, deflating.

"You should be grateful," Eddy stated. The room felt silent. _Grateful?_ I thought incredulously. He had to be joking. Grateful for being a victim? I should've bowed and said thank you for forcing yourself on me? I should've been thankful, glad that out of all the sorry saps she chose me? I should consider myself lucky and gifted that I was victimized? "You're blowing this out of proportion, I think you should re-evaluate."

I leapt to my feet, my own shattered soul demanding me to fight. I didn't fight last night, but here, in this moment, I would fight now. I wouldn't be blamed for my attack.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" I screeched, stomping across the room and glaring down at my shorter comrade. "In what sense could you possibly rationalize that I should feel indebtedness?"

Eddy blinked up at me imbecilely. "You got to fuck Nazz, what are you fired up about?"

"Because I didn't want to!"

"She's the hottest chick in school, I don't get why it was a bad thing!"

"BECAUSE THERE WASN'T CONSENT, EDDY!" Silence rang in my ears. We stared at each other, his icy sneer met with the fire of my heated glare. A full minute ticked by, and Eddy and I never broke eye contact, our chests heaving. Ed's brow was furrowed in distress, his eyes zipping between the two of us, not understanding what was happening, upset that his best friends were fighting.

Eddy turned curtly on his heel and stalked out of my room. He thundered down the stairs, and I heard the front door slam. I crumbled. I sank into my mattress, sobbing heavily, kicking and punching the air, screaming in frustration and hate. Eddy didn't understand. He'd been blind.

My mind twisted in a whirl of incoherent thoughts. _Of course "no" only meant something if it came from a girl. I was a boy; I was supposed to want anything, at anytime, no thought required, no one wanted to hear how a boy lost his voice in fear, how she was begging him for it, how he said no and was pushing her away, because a man was a man and should only own an affirmative response. What kind of man said no? What kind of man wasn't in the mood? Why was "no" only powerful from a woman? Imagine what would happen if I told someone else; they'd think I was broken, a little bitch, gay, they would blame me. Maybe they would say that I was the attacker, not the victim. I was asking for it, asking for it, asking for it…._

My thin limbs tired quickly, and as I stopped thrashing, I stopped the physical self harm and moved on to mental abuse. My own words slashed to my very essence, the very core of who I was, leaving me bleeding and broken and full of self loathing.

A light pressure on my calf; I peek out from the covers, and find Ed still sitting on my bed. He pats and rubs my leg supportively, his eyes wandering the room in curiosity. I hide back under the covers, trying to ignore him. I wanted to be alone, to toil and torture myself, but my fight with Eddy had drained all my fight. He patted and rubbed warmly, silently. After what felt like hours, I felt the pressure from where he sat on the bed lift. He padded quietly across my room, closed the door behind him, and left my home without a sound.

I spent the weekend in my room; when my parents came to check on me, which was rare, I said I was resting before getting back to studying. I never studied; I stayed in bed, a grey fog falling on my life. At night, if they weren't home, or asleep, I'd sneak into the kitchen in the dark and steal crackers to eat. I never really ate enough to be full, I didn't care about my comfort. Just enough to make the ache go away so I could continue to wallow uninterrupted. I avoided everyone.

I don't know how much time passed; all I know is that after that first fight with Eddy, I heard someone enter the house without knocking, enter my room, and sit beside me. I peered out, and Ed was sitting in the same spot, rubbing and patting me again. I curled away from him, wanting him to leave. He stayed put for hours, lightly reminding me that he was there. He would leave for an unknown period of time, then come back for an unknown period of time, always rubbing and patting silently. At first, I resented his visits; I wanted to be alone. However, as this endless, grey day that never ended continued on slowly, I began to look forward to his presence. It was clear he didn't truly understand what had happened, but he always came back. We'd sit in absolute silence for what felt like hours, and while I endlessly cursed myself mentally, he would _pat, pat, pat,_ lightly, reminding me I wasn't alone, that he was there for me, even if he didn't know why it was necessary.

I didn't stop hating myself when he came, and I didn't find peace either, but at least there was someone else there, silent, just caring enough to let me know I wasn't alone. One day, after Ed left, my mother came into my room, which surprised me; they were both doctors, and were hardly home, sometimes spending the night's in the motel closer to the hospital than the hour long commute to their job.

"Edward, the principal just called! She says you haven't been to school in eight days!" I stayed hidden in my covers. "Explain yourself!"

"I…have the flu." I grumbled, wishing for her to leave my room.

"Well, you know very well how to medicate yourself and handle it," she sniffed. "Tomorrow, you're going to school."

"Mother, I'm not feeling well still," I choked, my drab emotionless suddenly sliced for the first time in an apparent eight days by something fresh: panic.

"That's final." She closed the door and I felt dread seep into my cells, infecting my most minuet structures. Eight days; eight days I'd hidden from the world, never leaving the grey haze of my locked house. Tomorrow, I had to go back.

 **Clarification: in this story, I've decided that Ed has a mental defect that made him, well, goofy in childhood and adolescent years, and impairs his maturity and reasoning skills as an adult. Perhaps something to the like of autism.**


	5. Pushing Forward

I got ready the following morning thoughtlessly, going through the motions. My parents were already gone for the day, much to my relief, and I stalked about the house silently, the sun yet to rise. Heavily, I slung my brown book bag across my chest, and with a deep sigh, walked out the front door, careful to lock it behind me. "ED! Ed, you stupid oaf, what are we doing here?" Sarah's shrill voice pierced the air as the crisp morning air bit the nape of my neck.

"Because it can be good to walk with friends." Ed smiled at me as I turned around in surprise. We didn't walk to school together usually.

"Good morrow, classmates," I said, trying to sound as cheerful and happy as possible. We began walking to school, and Sarah began doing what she is best at: berating. She complained about having to wait for me in front of my home. She whined about neither of us driving her to school, weren't we old enough to have cars? She moaned about her English essay, which she hadn't started yet. She whimpered about how the sun wasn't up yet, just barely turning the eastern horizon yellow. She spoke enough for the three of us. Ed and I nodded, and Sarah kept chatting, filling the whole walk to the front doors of the school with a one sided conversation. I didn't mind at all; I didn't feel like talking.

Sarah met Jimmy by his locker, and as I walked to my own, Ed followed silently. I opened up the clanging door, and he gave me a reassuring pat on my back before heading off to his own homeroom. The hallways were crowded as more and more students arrived, finding any place to socialize other than inside the classrooms themselves. I fumbled with my books, exchanging them for the proper classes, my eyes darting about. I hadn't seen Eddy since our quarrel, and I also dreaded seeing…her. How would I react? How would _she_? I'd been avoiding life for over a week, would she gloat? Taunt me? Tell me to "man up"?

I skittered into my first period, chemistry. I was the first one in the room, and I plopped down into a desk and yanked out my notebook, staring hard at my neat hand writing, trying to look completely absorbed in my review. Clearly, someone didn't get the message that I didn't want to be bothered, because a hand planted itself insistently on my desk. "Hiya, Double D!" I gave a sigh that was a mixture of both irritation and relief.

"Hello, Johnny, how are you feeling?" I replied, trying my hardest to offer a friendly smile.

"Pretty good, I'm glad to see you back!" he laughed cheerily, itching the buzz cut on his scalp. "Where were ya', any who?"

"Flu," I responded uncouthly. Looks like I was sticking to my cover.

"Geez Louis! Hope you aren't still contagious! Plank and I would hate to get sick!" The bell rang, and Johnny waved and went to a desk in the center of the class. He sat down and began chittering animatedly with Plank, who sat simply in the desk beside him. My classmates for the period began funneling in. Johnny and I were the only two students in this period from the cul-de-sac. The others were students from various other settings in Peach Creek, and a few were even from Cherry Stream, the neighboring suburb. I took notes numbly, recording what the teacher said with ease. Some of it was confusing, as I'd missed so much material, but while the other students raised their hands with questions and the teacher answered, I quickly flipped back to the chapters I missed and scanned. By the end of the period, I was completely caught up. The teacher called after me that he was grateful for my return as I dashed out the door.

The next class of note was Drawing and Painting, my third period. My first three years of high school, I had avoided any courses that weren't purely intellectual, and now I was paying the ransom. Physical Education had plagued my junior year, and now I just had to get my artistic credits out of the way. I sat down at my easel and began painting shapeless blobs, trying my best not to soil my tie. May strolled in five minutes late, and the teacher just sighed in disappointment; _if_ May ever came to class, she was late.

"Hey there, Turtle Dove," she cooed teasingly. I shuddered nervously, the female attention making me want to run, hide, flee! She sat down beside me without noticing my tense muscles and pulled a sketch pad from her backpack and proceeded to work diligently. As I saw she wasn't paying me anymore mind, I relaxed and began to refocus on my hot mess of a canvas. As the period drew closer to the end, and I gave up hope on my pathetic excuse of a tree, my eyes wandered to the other student's canvases; some were good, but one drawing really caught my eye. May glanced up at me and straightened from her crooked bend over the paper. "You like it?" She held it up to the light and I carefully examined the drawing critically.

It was quite good! The front facing man was tall and had muscles. A strong jaw and short, stubbly hair adorned the sketched humanoid, and he wore a mask and tight spandex. I blinked in confusion, as I couldn't tell which superhero she had created. "It's lovely, May," I said tentatively, "but…who is it?"

"It's Ed, of course," she sniffed, irritated that I couldn't figure it out on my own. She placed the drawing down on the table once more and went about darkening the eyebrows. I smiled endearingly, and for the first time in over a week, I felt genuine cheer. It was so sweet, her seeing him as a hero. When I told her so, she smiled a little, her eyes apologetic as she shifted a little farther away from me. "Uh, thanks Double D, but I'm dating Ed now, and I'm not interested in you." The bell rang, and she began packing up as I tried to explain that I, too, wasn't interested in her. She strolled out of the room quickly though, and although I felt rather embarrassed that my compliment was misconstrued, I overall just felt content; I was happy Ed had found someone who thought so highly of him. I chuckled as I put my supplies away, memories of May's childish torment of me from years prior flitted through my mind.

I reminisced happily.

My joy ended quickly. The next period was Statistics. I hadn't done math since…. I shuddered away from the memory, and the yellow light that had begun to envelop me dimmed back to the dry grey I had found to be a cold friend. Both Eddy and Nazz were in this class, and I was trembling in my desk in terror. Students stumbled into the room obnoxiously while I sat silently in the front row, my desk at the very center of the room. Lunch was the next period, and the excitement was palpable. Nazz walked in laughing with a girl I couldn't recall the name of from Cherry Stream. Her eyes found me in my seat, and she sobered, her eyes snapping straight ahead and taking her seat across the room, several rows back and to the right of mine. A second before the bell rang, Eddy tripped into the room, barely on time. He saw me, and I tensed; his reactions were unpredictable.

"Sockhead! Glad you're feeling better, the flu is going around like you wouldn't believe! I really need help with this new crap!" He sat down easily in the desk to the left of mine, his regular seat. I was surprised; we hadn't exactly left off on a good foot, but I was glad he didn't make a scene, or sit far away from me; high school was a jungle, and the other kids could smell fresh gossip like hounds could smell blood. I sneaked a peek against all my instincts at Nazz. Her eyes were narrow with confusion, but when she saw I was looking at her, she turned her gaze away, returning to her conversation with Cherry Stream girl.

I helped Eddy throughout the entire class, trying my hardest to focus. I solved the formulas and found the answers mechanically, without my usual zeal for arithmetic. The grey fog had darkened in her presence, and I was struggling to hold myself together. The bell rang, and Eddy and I packed up our things quickly, but not as quickly as she did. As I began heading to the door, my sweet escape, she began making her way towards me. I walked a little faster, trying to avoid her, praying that she wouldn't be able to reach me, but lo, her lips were already parting, she was calling out my name, demanding my attention, requesting interaction!

"Hey there, Nazz, you look great today!" Eddy blocked Nazz's path to me and began blathering animatedly, using his body to block her. I saw her peer around him as I slipped through the doorway, free. It was lunch, and I needed air. She came close, too close, and my mind was putrid with memories and pain and panic. I ran outside and gasped the fresh air. I tugged nervously at my black hat, squeezed my eyes shut, and breathed deeply, purging the images burned into the inside of my eyelids.

When my heart rate had returned to normality, I sat down under a tree and pulled out my lunch, eating it without tasting, unable to admire the fluorescent red the tree's leaves were. Eddy exited the building and found me, sitting down next to me with a grunt. "You owe me big time," he quipped. I sat in silence, flustered.

"Thank you," I finally stuttered. He looked over at me, and he must've been able to read the confusion and unasked question on my face, because he shrugged and pulled his own lunch from his bag without making eye contact.

"I don't really know what to say to ya', Double D. I don't understand why you feel the way you do, and I don't really get what's going on with you, but we've been through some rough patches before." My mind wandered back to the "incident," when we were young and reckless. After a horrible scam gone awry, we had fled our homes, and along the way, Eddy and I had participated in a terrible disagreement that ended with tears. We'd been able to work through it then, and it looked like we'd be able to work through this as well. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, and when he finally brought up a subject of discussion, trying to end the quiet, I eagerly delved into the conversation, eager to end the quiet and begin to work on healing our bruised companionship.

Lunch ended and we parted ways. I dredged through the rest of the day, dodging Nazz and taking notes. My mood fluctuated, sometimes I felt close to fine, my world almost regaining all of its color, and I'd fall back down once more, colorless and unmotivated. When the day was over, Ed made Sarah wait for me at the front of the building again. We walked home together for some time, and after a while, Eddy came jogging up behind us, free from detention for once. Things were almost normal.

Time passed. Everyday, the guys came over to my house so I wouldn't be alone. We'd chat, work on homework, or eat junk food together, trying to joke and laugh my mental scars away. Sometimes, it would work; we'd laugh so hard we would choke and soda would burn in our noses. The thing about depression, however, is that it comes and goes. It might leave for several days, but it just comes back, as if it was only on vacation, and brings you back down low. Sometimes I'd grow quiet with the weight, and no matter how my chaps tried to make me laugh or interact, I'd just stare at the floor, unresponsive, dealing with the darkness within. Eddy would leave after a while, growing bored, but Ed always stayed, silently patting my back, letting me know I wasn't alone.

My grades, thankfully, didn't suffer. That's one of the great things about being intellectually gifted; I didn't have to try hard to make the A. My parents were just as absent as ever, with only little sticky notes scattered around the house for communication. At the end of each note, "love, Mom and Dad" was written, and I wished desperately to actually hear them say it. I needed them; I needed to see them and hear their voices. The rare instances they were home, I never told them what happened that night I went over to Nazz's house. I wasn't sure how they would react, my self-confidence was shot, and I couldn't bear hearing the things Eddy had said to me all over again.

Over time, Eddy and I grew just as close as before. I never got a verbal apology, but I didn't need it. A unspoken condolence was given with the little things he would do, like picking up my pencil when I dropped it, holding doors open for me where he use to let it shut behind him. We healed, and even though we never spoke about the argument and its source, we silently agreed to disagree; he didn't know or comprehend why I was traumatized, but he comforted me and stood by me all the same.

One day, when snow was already beginning to slip from the heavens, I was sitting silently behind the school again, alone. Eddy and Ed had offered to stay with me, but I needed to be alone. As I mentally pummeled the images in my mind, I heard the quiet crunch of an approaching person.

"Heya, Dreamboat. Long time no chat," Marie cooed. I felt a nervous thrill tickle up my spine at the approach of a woman. "Whatcha' doing out here all alone?" I looked up at her, and she took a long drag out of the metal box she carried around, blowing out the cloud while appraising me. I hadn't talked with her since that night, almost a month ago. I'd all but forgotten visiting her house, editing her lab, and learning about her origins.

"Greetings, Marie," I managed, turning away as I intended to return to slaying my inner dragons. "I'm not feeling well, and I desire solitude." She knelt beside me, and I inadvertently shrank away from her. She looked at me with slightly narrowed eyes, analyzing.

"Wanna' talk about it?" I shook my head, instantly tensing, expecting her to demand that I tell her, pushing and pushing me to share, nosily requesting passage into my thoughts, but she didn't. She just nodded and walked away, which I appreciated greatly. Sometimes, you have to face your beasts yourself.

On the final day of school before winter break, the guys stayed later than usual. My parents had stayed three consecutive nights in the city at the motel, and we watched a cheesy old movie that Ed had brought over. They left late, and when I was alone, I was feeling rather decent. The oppressive grey fog hadn't visited me that day, and letters of acceptance from universities were bound to come any day now. I could move on with my life, leave the past in the past, and learn to live with the depression that didn't seem keen on leaving me.

I saw Ed's heavy backpack in the corner of the kitchen where he'd left it, and began pulling out my cell phone to call him when the doorbell rang. "Coming!" I hollered, snatching the immense sack and hobbling to the door. "Good golly Lord Almighty! Ed, do you pack bricks in here?" I huffed as the door swung open.

She was tugging at her blonde hair nervously, biting her red lip with her straight, white teeth. Her heavy blue winter coat puffed around her, and her breath clouded in front of her face. "Can we talk?" Nazz said quietly. My body stiffened, my hands fell loose, and the stupid knapsack fell straight onto my foot. I didn't feel a thing.


	6. Behind Closed Blinds

**Shout out to the reviewers who pointed out that I mixed up some of the Ed's names in a prior chapter! It's hard to keep all these names straight, thanks for pointing it out. I'll try to keep better track of proper identification.**

I swear, the world stop spinning at this moment. The snowflakes falling gently from the sky halted their descent, my heart paused as if to watch what was happening, and I'm fairly certain that the waves in the ocean froze in surprise. We stared at each other, the distance considerable but still too close for my comfort. She shuffled her feet, and I jumped back at her movement as the world resumed its movement. She smiled gratefully, thinking that I was letting her into the house. She walked slowly into my living room, and my eyes watched her, sensing for any sudden muscle tension. I closed the door slowly, checked to ensure that my phone was in my pocket, and followed her. She looked about, trying to see everything but me, and eventually perched on the very edge of the recliner. I stood on the far side of the room from her, my back against the wall, my arms crossed defensively over my chest. I felt alienated in my own homestead, wishing to run and hide.

She took off her coat and threw it over the back of the recliner and sighed, staring at the ground. My heart pounded, and she looked as if she had aged years in the past month. She looked tired and haggard, exhaustion suddenly showing under her flawlessly applied concealer. The only sound, besides the rushing of my blood in my ears, was the _tick, tick,_ ticking of the clock on the wall. "What do you want?" I blurted, my voice too loud, almost a shout. She startled and looked at me, then averted her gaze as if she couldn't bear to look at me.

"You've been avoiding me at school," she stated, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"I wonder why!" I shouted back. She flinched at the intensity, and I reminded myself to keep my voice down; the houses here were very close, and Rolf's house was next door. If I woke his Nana, I would certainly be hearing a pounding on the door. The last thing I needed was another uninvited guest as an audience member.

"I wanted to talk to you," she continued. I stayed quiet. She glanced at me, looked away. She peered at me again, then sighed, and looked away again before beginning. "I'm so sorry," she croaked, her voice creaking. "I'm so, so sorry, Double D. I never, ever intended for things to happen the way they did." A tear stole down her cheek, and as she wiped at it angrily, I felt my arms tighten around myself. How many times had I cried these past four weeks?

"No, I suppose you presumed that things would just go your way and I'd fall in love with you and we'd ride off into a sherbet sunset," I hissed angrily. She itched her arm uncomfortably, and I prayed that she would get up and leave. She didn't.

"Maybe not, but I never dreamed that things would play out the way they did," she sobbed, squeezing her lined eyes shut.

"Play out like what?" I demanded, my hurt and tears and nightmares and anxiety fueling a brave fury that I never imagined I could possess. "Play out like a horror film? Like what only the girls were warned about in Health class? You _raped_ me!" I was shouting, Rolf's Nana be damned. I was so angry.

"I know, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed back.

"Say it aloud!" I screamed, my hands balled into fists at my sides. "Say it out loud! Make it as real for you as it was for me!"

"You think this isn't real for me?" She demanded, rising to her feet.

"You aren't the victim here, Nazz! Don't you dare turn this around on me!"

"I'm not trying to! You're right, but you deserve an explanation!"

"What possible excuse could you have to ever justify such an atrocious act?" Nazz swore at my words and turned around, her back towards me. She gripped the edge of her white tank top and hauled up. I flinched away, expecting the untrue but horrific nightmares of the evenings to become a reality. A repetition of that treacherous night. What I saw took a moment for my brain to register, but when I finally comprehend what I saw, all the tension in my muscles ebbed, and I had to lean on the wall for support.

 _Excuse: a reason that permits a past action and allows the perpetrator to be forgiven._

 _Explanation: a reason that implies the perpetrator is still guilty, but also sheds light on the reasoning for the perpetrator's actions._ My brain yanked the definitions from my memories without permission.

Up and down Nazz's back, white and pink lines overlapped, crisscrossing in an intricate and aggressive pattern. They trailed the entire length of her torso, some of them disappearing under the top rim of her denim skirt. The scars varied in length and thickness. The majority of them were in impossible to reach places, and extreme angles; there was no way that these were accidents, or self-inflicted.

I hissed in surprise, and I began to wonder; all the nights that Nazz's house was loud with bangs and she said her dad was working on his car. All the night's where the TV was blaring so loud you could hear it from the sidewalk. Her absences from school when we were younger. Her mother never coming to any of our school plays or football games, where Nazz cheered. Things clicked in a way that I wished they didn't.

She turned around, still hoisting her shirt up, just covering her bra. Beneath the hem of her lifted shirt, smaller lines flitted across her stomach and ribs. Most of these scars were white and fading, but several were pink and puckered. A handful more were still scabbed over.

"I'm not excusing what I did," she whispered, as if her voice would shatter the glass-like air. "It was awful, and I am a terrible person for it." She pulled her shirt down slowly, and she winced as the fabric caught and pulled on some of the scabs. These, I could tell, were by her own hand, from the angles and lengths. I marveled at how I never knew what was happening in her home. How she had always had such great reasons as to why she was missing class, how she had kept it hidden… how she even kept smiling every day. "I guess you could say I have a toxic way of dealing with things," she chuckled nervously, trying to ease the sudden silence, rubbing her torso lightly, referring to the self-harm scabs. When I didn't smile at her ill-timed joke, her face fell again, instantly aging her.

"I'm not going to tell you about this, you're a smart guy, you can figure out where and what they're from without me spelling it out," she whispered, sitting down gingerly again. "But I didn't just set out to ruin your life too. Things have gotten…tough with the year's end coming. Me and my folks are worried about paying for college, my grades aren't great, I won't be earning many scholarships or merit aid like you. They've got tempers, the both of them." Her eyes were glassy, a world away, and she rubbed her lower back slowly without paying attention. She blinked, and her eyes refocused, and she turned to me. "They love me though. I know they do," she said quickly. Even to me, it didn't sound very convincing. "They expect more from me, and I…I want to do better too." Her hand placed itself gently over her stomach, tracing a fresh cut from where she had harmed herself. "Kevin and I have grown apart, I guess he's stressed about this year too."

"I didn't plan on hurting you, Double D. I never would've dreamed of hurting you. I just…" her voice cut off, and she swallowed hard, staring at the ground as her tears flowed silently down the gentle curve of her cheekbone. "I just didn't want to be alone. I just wanted to know that someone was there." My heated anger was lessened, and the confused, muddled puddle of my thoughts swirled and twisted, trying to find who I was mad at. Her, her parents, myself, my parents, everyone.

"You went about it wrong," I muttered, more to myself than to her.

"I know," she whimpered, wiping at her tears. "I know, and I'm not saying that what I did was okay. God, no! But this has gotta' be torturing you more than it has been me, and I can tell you, it's been hell on this side. You deserved to know why. Why I'm so broken." She stood slowly, and plucked her coat off the cushioned chair. She looked drained, numb, and it was a familiar expression. Many times, when I looked in the mirror, I saw the same face staring back at me. "I'm not asking for forgiveness," she croaked. "I just wanted to tell you…" she left her sentence unfinished. She walked towards me, and lifted her hand, as if to squeeze my shoulder, but stopped a distance away, like she wanted to comfort me, but knew she wasn't the one I wanted it from. She dropped her hand and walked past me. I heard her kick Ed's backpack out of the way, and let herself out quietly. I turned my head slowly, and saw through the living room window that she was walking home in the snow, her coat held in her arms, too numb inside to even notice the cold around her.

I dragged myself away from the living room and scaled the stairs to my own labeled environment. I slowly crawled into bed, my mind a paradox; it was both completely empty, and swirling with heated thoughts. My whole life, ever since I had moved to the cul-de-sac, I thought that the Ed's and I had it the worst. We were unpopular as children, and no one invited us to go swimming or to their birthday parties. I'd pitied us, feeling like we'd been singled out and left to a terrible fate.

My self-loathing grew more; I was so incredibly selfish. This cul-de-sac, nay, the world in its entirety, was a much darker place than I'd ever thought. I'd learned much about the people I grew up with in such a short period of time. While I cried about only having two friends, Marie was trying to be an adult and take care of her alcoholic mother when she was ten; Nazz was covering her bruises and cuts with cloth and make up, protecting the parents that were supposed to protect her. I'd seen firsthand how terrible Eddy's older brother's verbal and physical abuse was.

My mind wandered to the other's in the neighborhood; why was Rolf so scared of his grandmother, what drove Johnny to find solace in a bit of wood, why was Sarah so angry, why was Jimmy so quick to tears? Sure, some might say it was just their personalities, part of the genetic coding that made each individual unique, but what if it was conditioned responses?

 _You know, Edward, not all of us are born lucky._ Marie's words floated patronizingly through my consciousness. Aside from the experiences of the past month, Marie was right; I was indeed lucky. A single child, a white male in the upper classes of the American socioeconomic ladder, with two doctors for parents and an IQ in the top tenth percentile. Even my room screamed of privilege; my ant farm, my vast collection of encyclopedias, my Egyptian cotton sheets that I never thought twice about.

Guilt flooded my veins, all the way down to my capillaries, filling even the most miniscule sections of me with regret. I was regretful for the things I couldn't control, saddened that I had lived so long in a glass snow globe of smiling snowmen and gingerbread houses. It seemed everyone was battling unseen demons their whole life, and I was just beginning to meet mine.


	7. Milk Run

The next morning, I was awoken early by the slamming open of the front door. The voices of my mother and father floated to me up the stairs. They went into the kitchen, and after a few minutes, I heard them coming up the stairs. I shut my eyes just in time as my parents peeked in to see if I had aroused for the day. My ploy fooling them, my mother went on to their bedroom while my father returned downstairs for a moment before joining his wife.

I slowly rose out of bed twenty minutes later, when my father's loud snoring was booming through the house. I went downstairs slowly, hoping that if my mother was still awake, Dad's loud snores would cover the squeaking of the stairs. I wandered around the house, thoughts from the day prior mixing about in my head. I strolled into the kitchen and upon flicking on the bright lights, found an empty milk jug on the counter. Stuck to it was a new, bright yellow note.

Edward, we are out of milk. Please run to the store and grab a gallon. Love, Mom and Dad. My father's exhausted scrawl was quick and sloppy, furthering the stereotype that doctor's handwriting is impossible to comprehend. I crept back up to my room and zipped out of my yellow onesie and into my traditional orange t shirt and purple shorts. I fed my ant farm, watered Jim the cactus, and snuck out of the house quietly, trying not to rouse my exhausted parents. After putting on my winter coat, I checked my phone and saw that it was 9:30; the cul-de-sac was tranquil and quiet as I walked up the sidewalk. The snow had stopped falling sometime in the evening, and the small cluster of homes was sprinkled in a few inches of snow, everything white and glistening.

The milk would cost less at the grocery store, but the supermarket was further, and I was shivering; I had my winter coat on, but with only shorts and my long red socks on to cover my lower half, I wasn't keen on walking the extra five blocks. I jogged into the tiny convenience store that was closer to home, stamping my feet to rid my shoes of the clinging ice. I looked about, but found no employee manning the counter or shelving new stock. I shook myself from the cold and quickly pulled a gallon of milk from refrigerated section, the heavy gallons behind it sliding forward to take the open space. I slugged the heavy container onto the counter and rang the little bell that sat by the register.

"I'll be right out!" called a voice from behind a closed door beyond the counter. The door swung open, and a fleeting sight of blue hair peeked out from the three boxes the person was carrying in front of her. "Hi!" came a super enthusiastic and chipper greeting. "Did you finding everything you were looking for?" Marie set the boxes down on the ground, and finally looked up to see her patron. "Oh, hey there, Ovenmitt," Marie smiled, her cheesy, over the top customer service voice disappearing. "Whatcha' doing up so early on the first day of break?"

"Marie?" I spluttered. "What are you doing here?" She grinned at me, her blue eyelids fluttering as she flicked the nametag on her chest.

"I work here, have been since the beginning of the year," Marie smiled, clearly enthusiastic about her unexpected visitor. "I'm actually about to end my shift, wanna' wait for me to get off? We can walk back together."

"Yeah, that sounds good," I nodded, counting out the money I owed. As Marie handed back a couple coins, a unfamiliar young man entered the store. He greeted Marie in a friendly manner, and as he pushed through the little swinging gate to the register, Marie hopped up and over the counter.

"Well, let's go," she grinned at me, holding the door open for me. "What are you doing buying milk at nine forty five in the morning anyway?"

"My parents came home this morning from the hospital," I explained, switching the heavy gallon to the other hand. "I think they used the last of it when they ate their breakfast, and left me a note asking for me to get more. I think that they believed I would get it later, but I was up anyway, so…." I shrugged, shivering against the cold. "So, how was work?"

"Boring," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Not many people are coming in at three to pump gas or buy Slurpee." I staggered and turned to look at her in disbelief.

"You've been there since three in the morning?" I gasped, switching the gallon of milk once more in my hands.

"No, I've been there since one," she said, glancing over at me and taking the milk from my hand. "Here, lemme' carry that, it's kind've heavy." A quick verbal scuffle ensued over who was to carry the dairy, but I let her win; the handle was cold, the air was cold, I was cold, and I really didn't want to carry it.

"Why were you working such absurd hours?" I asked, sighing at her stubbornness.

"Because it's what they gave me, Double D. Shay needs diapers and formula and diaper cream and a bunch of other crap, and it's expensive. Working full time helps pay for… well, everything." I tripped again, but quickly recovered, telling her I was fine.

How on earth was she keeping this ludicrous schedule? She was going to school nearly every day, working a full time job, and helping out with the baby and housekeeping back at home? When did she sleep? When did she eat!? "Well," I ventured, "I condone and applaud your admirable drive and work ethic."

"It's whatever," she shrugged, trying to let the compliment roll off as if it was water, and she oil, but her smile seemed a little more bright. We walked and chatted about the past semester, wondering what our final grades were.

We reached the cul-de-sac, and when we were stopped in front of my house, Marie said a farewell and began walking to the alley that connected the cul-de-sac to the forest, and just through there, the Park-n-Flush. As I walked up the driveway, hauling the heavy gallon, I felt a minor panic fill me; I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be left to my own thoughts and memories. "Hey, Marie!" I called. She turned around, and I rose my hand and dropped it, not really knowing how to go about asking for company. "I, uh, don't have any plans for today, and no one else seems to be up yet. Do you want to…" Where? Where could we go to entertain ourselves? "Go to the library?" _Wow, a real grand idea_ , I thought to myself, mental smacking my palm against my head.

"Yeah, that doesn't sound bad," she said, turning back around and retracing her steps to my surprise. Sure, the library was fun for me, but it wasn't exactly a social hub for the age group we were in. We walked up to my front door, but when I held the door open for her, inviting her in, she shuffled her feet awkwardly. "I think I'll just wait for you out here."

"But it's freezing out here!" I argued.

"I'll stay here." She glared at me, letting her know that she wasn't to be convinced. I closed the door quickly, shoved the milk in the fridge, ran upstairs silently and changed into longer pants before rushing outside again, trying not to keep her waiting. When I slipped out the door and shut it, puffing from the speed of my movements, she chuckled. "Wow, record timing," she tittered.


	8. Losing Track of Time

**Hey guys, sorry the last chapter was rather short. Originally, I was going to post this chapter and the prior one as a single installment, but it felt a little too lengthy for me. This chapter will contain coarse language.**

We walked together to the nearby library. I felt a little self-conscious; I went to the library alone usually, and as I pulled titles off the shelves, I watched Marie's expressions; would she sneer at my selections, crinkle her nose in distaste?

Marie didn't even look at what I was grabbing; she scanned the shelves herself, with a genuine interest and focus I hadn't anticipated. After we both had a stack of books, we entered one of the study rooms and closed the door behind us. I sat in a chair and opened an informational encyclopedia on viruses. Marie slumped in a chair across the table from me and kicked her feet up on the tabletop, opening a book herself and beginning to read. Over the ridge of my book, I looked at the books she had selected; in a stack, two horror novels sat, one thin comic book, and a dark romance novel sat. In her hands, a parenting book was open.

Marie glanced up and saw me scrutinizing the title of her read. "A little extra help can't hurt, Lee needs all the help she can get," she said before refocusing on the page she was on. I grinned and turned back to my own book, wondering just how little I really knew this girl. We read for a long time, and eventually she closed the book and rubbed her eyes. "My eyes are sore from staring at the pages," she complained.

I willingly closed my own book, careful to mark the page I was on, and looked at her. I told her about my life prior to Peach Creek, how we'd lived in the city and how I had hated how the air was thick with smog there. I talked about how my parents were never home then and now, and how I started cooking on the stove when I was eight. I told her about how my mother had wanted another child, a baby girl, but got so busy with her career that my parents never got around to it. I told her about what the other two Ed's and I went through when we fled form the "incident." I told her about that accursed boomerang that somehow warped my mind till I was peeling my clothes off in the middle of the neighborhood. She snorted loudly with laughter, saying she didn't believe a word of it.

She told me about how her father left her mother when May was still a baby. She told me about her terrible shifts at work, and how the previous evening, when she had been trying to sleep before work, Shay woke her up with her screaming. She told me about some horror stories during her later shifts, what people would walk in wearing, or not wearing. I chuckled in disbelief. She told me about how our literature teacher was purposely critical of her work.

"Oh, please," I smirked, rolling my eyes. "Ms. Walters is a licensed educator! Her grading and judgement is unbiased."

"What a load of shit," Marie said, shaking her head with a good natured smile. "She literally looks for excuses to try and fail me."

"She would never!" I argued.

"It's hard for you to see, Mr. Star Pupil," she teased, crinkling her nose at me. "All the teachers probably have a statue of you in their offices."

"Really, Marie, you shouldn't blame the teachers if you have short comings," I lectured.

"I know the answers, and I have things to say, I just don't want to raise my hand," she shrugged, looking away.

"If you have something to say in class, you should raise your hand! You should contribute more to discussions," I encouraged. Marie rolled her eyes at me with a grin. When she looked at me, she cocked her head to the side, and her eyes glimmered with curiosity.

"What's under your hat?" she asked bluntly, changing the subject away from something she didn't want to debate about anymore. I felt my cheeks heat, and self-consciously reached up and touched my black beanie, making sure it was in place.

"You're very forward," I said defensively. She snorted and smiled.

"Uh, yeah. Everyone knows that. I'm just curious, I've never seen you take it off, and you don't really seem like the guy to worry about appearances enough to wear it for fashion reasons." She sat patiently, waiting to see if I would confide in her. No one but my parents and Eddy and Ed had seen me without my hat before. Only they knew what it was from, and I was worried about sharing. "Don't worry, I wouldn't tell anyone if you wanted it to be kept a secret," Marie said, her brow furrowed in sincerity. It was obvious she hadn't thought her question would have a serious answer. I swallowed drily, trying to slow my beating heart. She had told me so much about her life; who she was and why, where she came from. She had told me things without reserve, without expecting anything in return…didn't she deserve the same trust?

"When I was a child, before I came to Peach Creek, I, uh, had a copious number of migraines. The pain would sometimes ebb away, but it never left completely. I would kick and scream, telling my parents that my head hurt. There were times when I felt like my skull was going to explode….Anyway, my parents to me to our pediatrician often, and we kept getting turned away; the doctor's said I was being dramatic, that maybe I just wanted more attention, seeing as they weren't home a lot even when I was young. Eventually, they took me to their hospital, and ran a MRI on me." I took a deep breath, careful not to look at her. "Whether I was born with it, or it developed post-natal, I had a tumor. It was operable, and it was extracted easily enough, but…" I tugged on my hat once more, making sure it was in place. "Well, it didn't heal nicely."

I peeked up at her, and she looked more mature and serious than I can recall ever seeing her before. "The hat is an easy way to hide the remainder," I shrugged, trying not to let on how self-conscious of the scars, bumps, dents, and tufts of hair I was.

"I….I don't really know what to say, except thanks for sharing me," Marie finally breathed, shaking herself. I grinned at her, glad she didn't ask to see it or express disgust. I shifted in my chair, and my phone clattered from my pocket onto the floor. As I bent to pick it up, the screen lit up, showing I was being called by my mother.

"Hello, Mother," I answered.

"Edward, where are you?" Her voice hinted concern.

"I'm at the library with Marie," I responded, smiling apologetically at my companion for talking on the phone during our conversation. She nodded back, letting me know it was alright, but her face was tight with apprehension.

"Come home now," Mother quipped, her words suddenly sharp and curt.

"Why?" I asked, surprised at the change of tone in her voice. "I left the milk in the fridge, and my room is completely cleaned."

"Just come home," she hissed over the receiver. "Eddy and Ed just left, they were looking for you, and you've been out all day." She hung up on me, and I checked the time; I blinked several times in surprise. We'd been at the library for five hours already.

"My humblest apologies, Marie, but my mother requests that I return to the cul-de-sac," I sighed, smiling.

"Yeah, I heard," She grumbled, gathering up her books.

"Well, we have been hanging out for over five hours now, but boy, does time fly when you're having fun," I chuckled gathering up my own selections. Her demeanor changed with my compliment, and her mood changed much more positive. We checked out the books, which we hadn't finished reading, and walked quickly back home, the late winter sun almost completely gone. When we reached my dwelling, she gave me a quick side hug, balancing her books in the other hand, before heading to her own homestead. When I turned and began walking up the driveway, I saw the blinds in the living room swing shut as someone walked away from the window. "Mother, Father, I'm home," I called, jogging up to my room and throwing my new material on my bed. I thundered back down the stairs and greeted my parents for what seemed like the first time in ages. "Well, I'm a rolling stone, and I'm back out the door," I said quickly, walking back to the front door. "I'm going to go locate my friends."

"Wait, Edward," my father said, eyeing me from the recliner. I halted in the archway that led to the front door, glancing back curiously.

"Whatever for?" I inquired. "Didn't Mother say that Eddy and Ed were requesting my company?"

"Well, yes dear it's just…" My mother paused and glanced at my father. "How was your day?" she asked, suddenly smiling brightly.

"It was rather nifty," I grinned back. "We spent a lot of time at the library actually, I didn't know she enjoyed reading."

"Well, that's good," My mother noted, looking at my father.

"We weren't aware that you were good friends with Marie Kanker," my father continued, offering another smile.

"Well, actually, we just started communicating, it's a rather novel development," I responded.

"Oh, well that's good," my mother grinned. I grew a little uncomfortable; why were they smiling so big?

"Well, I'll be back soon," I finally said, heading for the door. As I closed the door, I heard my parents whispering. As I crunched across the cul-de-sac to Ed's house, I felt unsettled. I hadn't heard what was said, but things whispered were rarely positive. The grey cloud that hadn't bothered me for the majority of the day returned, caressing my cheek, reminding me of its influence.


	9. Winter Wonderland

**Hey guys, I'm sorry this update has been so long in coming. School has started up again, and I'm starting my degree, which requires more time commitment. Don't worry, I am still going to finish this story, it will just take me some time.**

A few days later, the guys and I were watching some older television show reruns when a brisk knock on the door roused us from our drowsy state. We blinked at the sudden noise and I rose quickly to get the door. After quickly looking through the peek hole, I opened the door wide. "Hello, Jimmy," I grinned, surprised.

"Hello, Double D! Is Eddy and Ed with you?" Jimmy smiled, his perfectly straight teeth gleaming. Before the school year, his head gear had finally come off, and he smiled at every possible opportunity.

"Most certainly," I nodded.

"Hurry up, Jimmy!" I quickly leaned around his poufy hair and saw Sarah standing on the sidewalk, holding two sleds. "I can't wait all day!"

"Coming, Sarah!" his flute voice called back to his friend. Jimmy turned back to me and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, she can be so impatient sometimes! Anyway, it's snowing, and everybody is headed to the junk yard to go sledding together!" Eddy and Ed stood behind me now. "Come along with us!" I looked behind Jimmy and saw Rolf and Johnny enter the alley that lead to the dump.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy," I sighed, hating to let others down. I had woken up feeling down, and sledding didn't hold any allure to me. As I was about to deny attendance, I was bowled over by Ed dashing out the door.

"Sledding, Double D!" Ed cheered, smiling moronically at me. "Let's go!"

"I-I-I don't feel up to it," I stuttered, shaking my head and holding my hands up and trying to physically push away the invitation. Eddy ran and grabbed our three coats from the coat rack before shoving me out the door.

"Come on, Sockhead let's go!" he whooped, tossing Ed his coat. Jimmy cheered and dashed away to rejoin Sarah, and the two wobbled off giggling, lugging the awkwardly large sleds.

"I don't feel good today, Eddy, I don't want to go," I complained, him dragging me by the wrist.

"Shut up, you've been inside for nearly two months straight! Want to or not, the fresh air will be good for you," Eddy shrugged, dragging me on. Ed laughed joyously, and Eddy pulled me along, and I trumped along behind them, grumpy. The falling snowflakes bit my warm cheeks as I yanked my coat on shivering.

When we got to the junkyard, all the other cul-de-sac teenagers were already there. Kevin stood on his sled, riding it like a snowboard, all the way down the trash heap. During the warmer seasons, the dump was rank with disgusting odors, strong enough to make even the strongest of stomachs gag, but it was hardly recognizable now.

Over the first few days of winter break, the heavens had opened and snow had fallen for days. Almost a foot of snow blanketed the neighborhood, including the junk yard. What had been a putrid crater of waste was now a hilly winter wonderland, white and pure and soft. The only thing breaking the white landscape was the grey footprints that pockmarked the ground and the vibrant colors of my classmates' winter coats.

The chilly winter air froze my face and as I raced up the biggest hill with my two comrades, I felt the grey fog slide back and away, allowing me to live again. "Geronimo!" Eddy shouted, snatching the offered sled Johnny held out for him and zipping down the decline.

"Go Eddy, go!" Ed shouted, laying on his stomach and sliding down on his front after his friend, sledless. The two raced back up the hill, smiling in exhilaration.

"Choice wipeout, dork!" Kevin smiled, smacking Eddy an encouraging high five.

"It's, co-co-cold, Double D," Ed chattered, shaking out his coat as snow fell from the inside.

"That's why most people opt for a sled, Ed," I lectured. Rolf went down with Sarah on his shoulders, and the pair tumbled at the bottom, laughing heartily when their top heavy human tower collapsed. "Aren't we all a little old for this?" I groaned, trying to hide my smile.

"Come on, Double D," Johnny laughed goofily, throwing a handful of snow up into the air. "You're never too old for sledding!"

"Besides, we're at the perfect age for sledding," Jimmy giggled into a gloved hand. "Life is just so darn stressful and worrying, we need the childish distraction more than ever." He held out his purple sled to me, smiling. "Give it a try, silly!" I took the sled tentatively and sat down on it, scooching to the precipice of the steep hill.

"Whoopie!" Ed shoved me from behind, and the snowy ground fell out from beneath me as I zipped away, down what seemed to me a vertical drop. My stomach was left somewhere behind me as the sled threw me forward, my hands claw like as I clutched the sides. I slowed to a stop beside Rolf and Sarah, both of whom were still resting at the bottom of the hill, trying to catch their breath from their goofy ride down.

"Oh ho!" Rolf laughed, patting my back as I sat frozen in fear on the plastic steed. "Very good job, Head-in-the-sock Ed boy!"

"Nice job, Double D!" Sarah smiled, applauding me. The fear melted back and I felt the excitement hit me in a delayed wave. I grinned at their encouragement, wanting to fly down the mountain again. The three of us raced up the hill, hauling the awkwardly long and heavy sleds behind us. We passed the sleds to the others and I waited, bouncing on the balls of my feet impatiently, waiting again for my turn. I went down with Eddy and Ed, I went down with Rolf, and I sat down in front half of the sled, with Sarah behind me. She straddled my back, and for the first time in what felt like ages, the proximity of a female didn't make me want to curl into a ball and cry. As we raced down the hill, her laugh loud in my ears, she covered my eyes with her snowy mittens.

"Desist!" I screeched, the blackness of my covered eyes a stark difference from the pearly white. "I cannot see!" She laughed playfully as I used one hand to try and steer the sled into a straight line, the other to try and pry her hands off, and my mouth to scream in panic. When we came to a stop, she released her strong hold on my face with a laugh, telling me to quit being such a baby.

I surprised the both of us when I scooped a handful of loose snow right into her face. We stared at each other, her spluttering to get the frozen water from her mouth, both shocked. Her face broke into a grin as she shouted "I'm going to get you for that!" I ran up the hill, Sarah in hot pursuit, but by the time we reached the top, we were both so winded she only gave me a slight push before dropping the grudge. I waited my turn again, and when I got another sled, I slammed it on the ground on and hopped on as another sled was placed to the side of me.

Nazz laughed breathlessly until she realized who she was next to, her smile swallowed by a somber frown. We stared at each other, not knowing what to do, and I saw Jimmy, who was talking to Rolf, eye our frozen and silent exchange with curiosity. I began to panic, fearful that everyone was going to see us, ask what was happening.

"Race her to the bottom!" Eddy shouted, shoving me down the hill. I sped ahead of her, and she quickly scrambled after me. I slid to a stop a few seconds ahead of her, and everyone was cheering for me, congratulating me from above that I had won. Nazz looked at me, biting her lip nervously, waiting to see what I would say to her. Our last few interactions had not been positive ones.

"I do believe I beat you," I finally spat, trying to end the awkward standoff. She smiled gratefully, saying that I had been lucky before racing up the hill again. I quickly thanked Eddy for covering our freeze up. We both wanted to move on from the past. The others began going down, two sleds at a time, racing each other, seeing who was the fastest. As I raced the others, and watched the others race, I grew lost in my thoughts.

I hadn't forgiven her. She and I could never go back to before that night. We'd never be friends, or sit next to each other in class, or talk to each other as we walked to our next class again. But maybe, even if I couldn't forget, maybe I could forgive someday. Maybe I could move on.

"Well, look at whose all here!" Shouted a voice from behind. I, along with many of the other people, turned around and saw Lee Kanker for the first time in public in what must've been half a year. She and her sisters were bundled up like the rest of us, and each held a rather imaginative sled supplement in their hands; Lee had a black trash bag, Marie had the metal lid of a trash can, and May a donut pool inflatable. "We never received the invitation," Lee smirked, crossing her arms.

"That's 'cause you weren't invited," Sarah growled, her eyes narrowing.

"Last time I checked, we didn't take lip from a snot nosed twerp like you," Marie hissed back, raising a balled fist. Sarah's tough demeanor fell away and she bit her lip nervously. It had been years since the Kankers had actually attacked the cul-de-sac kids, but they all knew who would win the fight if it came to that.

"Come now, shout-is-a-whisper Sarah," Rolf said, pulling a little and turning her away from the confrontation. "Leave the use-fists-not-words sisters to their own tom foolery." Rolf skidded down the hill, and after a brief glare over her shoulder, Sarah followed him. Things restarted as the Kankers joined our midst.

"Hey there, Casanova, long time no see," Lee purred, grinning down at Eddy, who was still a couple inches shorter.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy grumbled, turning away from her, "happiest time of my life." He hopped onto a sled and rode it down, Kevin whooping as he followed behind him, the pair snowboarding down the incline. I peeked at Lee's face, and her grin had only grown wider at Eddy's jab. I tried to sniff out some sadness, some exhaustion, from the young woman, but her curly red hair covered her eyes, and the unavoidable bags beneath them.

"Hiya, Big Ed," May grinned happily, frolicking to her boyfriend's side. "Wanna' go down the hill with me?" The two got in the inner tube, May on top of Ed's lap, and the two went down squealing. Nazz followed them down, laughing happily as she raced Jimmy beside her down.

"How you doing, Dreamboat?" Marie smirked, swaggering to me. I rolled my eyes and blew hot air into my hands, trying to warm my frozen appendages.

"I was notably happier before you used such a degrading nickname," I groaned. Marie laughed and we chatted in a relaxed fashion, and I quietly asked how were things back home, with Lee's baby and the absentee maternal figure. She shrugged and said everything was the same as before, and opened her mouth to continue when someone blazed past her, nearly knocking her to the ground.

"Hey, watch it!" Marie shouted, shaking an angry fist above her head.

"Eat flurries, you bully!" Johnny shouted back, already disappearing down the hill. I helped sweep some of the snow drift from her shoulders and hair, apologizing for Johnny's behavior. She shrugged it off and sat down on her trash can lid, about to race the next person. When Jimmy, however, saw who it was he was about to go down with, whimpered and scrambled away with his own sled. She shook her head and shoved down the mountain. A few yards after rushing down the steep slope she somehow rose from her bottom to her feet and began whipping the lid back and forth, slaloming down the hill impressively.

When she was done, I clapped loudly, shouting bravo's and encore's for her. I was the only one applauding, but that didn't really bother me; I had always been a little different from my peers. However, when Kevin began skidding down the hill again, an uproar of encouragement rang from the others, despite the fact that his tricks and turns were sloppier than Marie's.

"Hey, did you see me?" Marie huffed breathlessly after she had ran up the snowy bank back to me. I smiled and nodded, trying to hide my unsettlement. Over the next hour, I noticed things I hadn't noticed before; the way Jimmy wrinkled his nose in distaste when May briefly took Ed's hand before sledding down the hill, the way Sarah made mocking and grotesque faces behind Lee's back, the way Kevin would bluntly pretend he hadn't heard a thing whenever Marie said something to contribute to the conversation.

I understood that the other's remembered the torment the Kankers would put us through in our younger years, but it was an undeniable point that off all the youths in the area, Ed, Eddy and I were treated the worst, and we weren't nearly as hostile. Even as I watched, Eddy raced Lee down the hill, and Ed told Marie that she had a very nice trash can lid. If the trio of us could leave the past in the past, why couldn't the others?

Rolf was the first to announce that he was leaving for the day, and one by one, we each took our turn to leave. We began walking back to the cul-de-sac in groups, and I was further saddened when I saw May try and walk with Johnny, Plank and Rolf, only to have them speed up and leave her behind. Lee tried to walk with Sarah and Jimmy, both of who eyed her nervously and nearly ran ahead of her.

Eventually, the three sisters fell in step with us fellows, and the six of us chatted civilly. "Yeah, we are going to my home now to play Kung Fu Food: Revenge of the Fallen!" Ed grinned excitedly, smiling down at his girlfriend.

"Wow, we love that game!" May beamed, snuggling against Ed's arm.

"Yeah, I play Sashimi Samurai, but Lee always wins," Marie whined, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah?" Eddy smirked, glaring challengingly up at Lee. "I bet Ed or I could crush you!" Lee laughed and said she was unstoppable. "Well, prove it! Why don't you three come over and get destroyed?" Lee smiled, but I thought I could see residual reservation in her small grin.

"Sorry, Shortstack," she said, rubbing roughly on top of Eddy's head and skewing his knitted hat. "I got some stuff I gotta' take care off at home." She punched Eddy on the shoulder, then dodged out of his reach as he tried to hit her back harder. As he gritted his teeth in irritation and fixed his hat, May kissed Ed sweetly on the cheek and followed after her sister.

"See you later, man," Marie shrugged. "I'll beat you into the dust at that game some other time."

"Oh, please," I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Anyone can beat me at any videogame!" She smirked and gave me a side hug, and I returned it comfortably, relieved the contact didn't panic me. When I was back in Ed's room, playing as Radish Revenge, handedly being pummeled by Eddy, I couldn't stop thinking about how unfair I felt the others were treating the Kankers. They had been pretty poorly behaved children, but they'd grown up. I felt happy also that I was able to cope with female contact and attention as well now; when Sarah and I had ridden down the hill together and when Marie had given me a friendly hug farewell, I didn't explode. When Eddy wondered out loud about what the girls possibly had going on at home, I didn't offer the information I was privy to, about Shay or their mother. I felt like that would betray Marie's trust, and possibly ruin our growing friendship.


	10. Helping Hand

**Sorry it's taking so long to update my story to all my readers. The winter semester started, and I've been swamped. However, have no fear; I've taken a sort of oath, as seen on my profile; I'll never leave a story unfinished. Every story I start will be finished, even if it takes some time.**

Days passed, and naturally, some were better than others. Sometimes I would awaken and everything would be as close to as normal as possible, and other times, I'd wake up and not be able to rouse my bones for all my effort. Time crawled by, and the house would groan and creak when I was alone. Mother and Father spent most their time at the hospital, as per usual, and if Ed and Eddy were busy, the whimpers of the wood floors and the hiss of the beams would keep me company.

One day, I bundled up against the frigid and bitter wind and ventured outside. The snow had melted a little, and it crunched angrily under my shoes as I made my way to Eddy's. The snow that was falling was very little, but the wind whipped it into my face, stinging nettles and sharp on my soft cheeks. I knocked on the door, and when no one answered, I knocked much more insistently, thinking my request for an audience was being swept away with the howling wind.

The door swung open, and Eddy's father stood towering in the warm light beyond. I smiled up at the tall man, inquiring if Eddy was home. "Sorry, Edward," he rumbled, shaking his head. "He can't really hang out right now." His father checked over his shoulder before leaning down to me and whispering, "His mother saw the state of his bedroom, and well, he won't be coming out to see the light of day for some time." He smiled farewell, and I quickly left to visit Ed's. Sarah informed me that her father had discovered Ed's sponge collection hidden behind a flap of drywall, and also wasn't allowed to have visitors that day.

I trudged along sadly, keeping my eyes on the brown snow beneath my feet, putting one boot before the other. My mind swirled with various things, some melancholy, others simply distracting. I didn't realize I had left the surroundings of suburbia and had entered the shelter of the forest. The thick trees broke the screeching wind's path, acting as a shelter. Here, the air was mostly still, only the slightest hint of a breeze stroking my chin.

Marie and I hadn't talked or seen each other in several days. The day when we all went sledding was a little over half a week ago. I bit my lip nervously; I didn't think we were quite close enough to be called friends, but we most certainly trusted each other more than others. I texted her, asking if I could drop by for a visit. I strolled through the trees, and waited impatiently for a reply. When none came, I began making my way to the Park-N-Flush trailer park on my own. It was rude to drop by uninvited, but I didn't want to return to an empty shell of a home.

I broke the tree line and was almost knocked clear off my feet by the sudden buffet of the wind. I scurried to the Kanker's front door and knocked with force that, in any other set of conditions, would've been taken as threatening. May yanked the door open, and her sunshine colored hair instantly licked my face in the current. She yanked it back, a quick apology given as she pulled her locks into a bun. Even in this cold weather, she was wearing the same white shirt and red basketball shorts. She gripped my coat's front, yanked me in, and slammed the door shut behind me.

Inside, it was barely warmer. The space heater in the corner wheezed with effort, and Shay was whimpering on Lee's hip. She sang a sweet lullaby that must've been a family original, as I didn't recognize it. Marie was lying face down on the crusty green couch, her hair a mess. I stared at her, and the worry must have been apparent on my face, as May smiled comfortingly at me and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, Double D. She's fine," she grinned, her two unproportioned front teeth sticking out a little. "She was just on baby duty last night. She's just tired." I sighed with relief and nodded. Lee strode over, a friendly smile on her face.

"What brought you over to our side of town, Sugar Lips?" she asked, bouncing the child as it gurgled.

"I was just seeking Marie's companionship," I replied, brightening Lee's smile considerably.

"Sorry, Dreamboat, but as you can see, she ain't really up for hanging out," Lee said, glancing over at her sister. There weren't any words, but from the deep sigh and small curve of her mouth, I could see an inexpressible amount of gratitude. Lee looked relatively well rested and put together; Marie must've volunteered to watch over Shay throughout the night.

May returned to what she was doing, which was gathering soda cans, liquor bottles, and hamburger wrappings off of the floor and throwing them into a black trash bag. When I asked where their mother was, Lee snorted, rolling her eyes. "She's out to the store," she snorted, her face souring. May's eyes hardened, and when she noticed I was assessing her, she pulled her long tresses from its bindings, allowing a bright sunshine curtain to hide the shadowed expression beyond. I began picking up the litter as well, and Lee told me I didn't have to help with anything, that she and May could handle it.

"I'm certain you can," I huffed, bent at the waist as I picked up another drained whiskey bottle. "But sometimes, help can be lovely, even if it's unsought." Lee smiled with appreciation and turned back to her infant, talking to him with more tender care than I've ever seen from a Kanker. May and I picked up the living room quickly, the work going two times as fast with a second pair of hands helping. I grew heated with the effort and peeled off my orange winter coat, the cooler air of the trailer relieving.

When we finished in the living room, May said she could handle the rest. When I stubbornly insisted in continuing, she handed me a rag and asked me to dust. As I went around the living room, dusting the TV set, the shelves, the lamps, I tried not to breathe. It was clear that the house hadn't been tended to in some time. _Dusty, dusty, dusty…_ I told Lee that some of the lightbulbs needed replacing, and she sighed sadly, nodding. "Me and Marie get paid next week, we can try to get them then," she muttered. I wondered how dire the situation was financially here that a seven dollar lightbulb couldn't be bought at a moment's notice. Their mother was out at the store; couldn't they call her or text her and ask her to pick some up?

May returned from mopping the tiny linoleum floor of the kitchen with a chipped mug for me. I drank the water greedily and thanked her, returning it when it was empty. Shay giggled happily, a toothless grin spreading as he yanked on one of Lee's tight curls brutally.

"Yow!" Lee yelped. Ever so gently, she grabbed his pudgy hand and chastised him, no real force behind her words. "No, no, no, Shay. Gently, we play gently with others." Shay pulled on another curl, softer this time, and Lee kissed him all over his sweet face quickly, eliciting another a fit of laughter from the little tub of baby fat. I didn't realize I was grinning until Lee smiled back at me. "Wanna' hold him?" Lee asked. I instantly panicked; I didn't have the slightest experience with children. I was a single child, no younger siblings, and I only had experience being held, not cradling others. I tried to tell Lee I was fine, that I didn't want to hold the baby, but she insisted with a smile, holding the child out to me. I held my hands up, trying to push the flabby human away but somehow, Lee got Shay into my hands, and I was holding it, by which I mean the baby, with as much gentleness as one might support a sack of potatoes.

"Set him on your hip, Double D!" May laughed as she returned from the kitchen, perching on the armrest of the couch by Marie's feet. I stuck out my hip, awkward with the position, and rested the baby on my hip. Shay stared at me, his huge eyes questioning and confused.

"Umm, he-hello, Shay," I stuttered, trying my hardest to give off an aura of confidence. The baby whimpered and turned to his mother, his dimpled fists opening and closing in her direction.

"Shay, stop it," Lee said, her stern voice tempered with a smile. "Double D is nice." Shay stared at his mother another moment before turning back to me. I stared, Shay stared, Lee and May stared, it was a good time. Finally, his small fingers grabbed the edge of my black beanie and yanked it down over one of my eyes. I spluttered in surprise, and a happy chortle creeped out of his tiny mouth. I straightened my hat, and began making what I'm sure were the most disgusting and humiliating facial expressions ever seen on planet earth. Shay shrieked with happiness with each new mask, and then he put both hands on my nostrils and pulled.

The force was hardly noticeable, but I hollered in false pain. Shay laughed harder, and yanked on my nose again. I shouted again told him to stop with false anger, and naturally, he did it again and again. "Wow, you're pretty good with him!" May smiled, her eyes watching her nephew adoringly.

"You're the first man he's ever met," Lee nodded with approval, "and you're doing a great job." I bloomed beneath the praise and tried even harder to make the baby smile. When I was finally getting him to gasp with laughter, hardly able to contain his joy, the front door slammed open. Ms. Kanker stomped in, plastering the floor with brown snow.

The smiles on the sister's faces hardened into grimaces, and the tension in the room intensified at a blinding speed. She was a huge woman, towering over me by several inches. Her fat caused the worn, black buttons of her brown wool coat to strain against their thread. In on hand, several plastic bags with boxes of canned beer, bottles of ale, and even a large bottle of gin was gripped with a white knuckled grip. In the other, a burning cigarette glowed, a cherry red stick smelling of ash.

Shay's loud giggle drew her gaze to me. She looked at me harshly, and I felt the need to run. "Who are you?" she croaked, her voice nails on a chalkboard.

"Greetings, madam," I instantly responded, my manners taking control. "My name is Edward, and it is a pleasure to meet you. I thought I would stop by and help out about the house and with the baby and what not." She stared at me, bloodshot eyes narrow and angry. I offered my free hand to shake, and she smirked with distaste. She took a long drag from her cigarette and blew the smog into my face before shoving it against the plastic bag and cardboard of the beer box, putting it out and melting a hole through the plastic. As I choked on the smoke, and instinctively covered Shay's tiny mouth and nose, she flicked the cigarette butt onto the floor May and I had just cleared.

"We don't need no man's help," she growled. May glared at the still smoking butt angrily, but not daring to move off of the armrest. Lee came across the room and took her son from me, her eyes downcast and bitter. Shay curled into his mother's chest quietly, becoming quiet as he stared at his grandmother worriedly. I bit my lip; one was so young to know fear already.

"Double D was just helpin' us keep house, Ma," Lee said, standing as far from her mother as she could, holding her child close. "No harm." Their mother sneered down at her eldest, before turning back to me.

"Well gee, thanks," she hissed. She set the bag of booze down with unearthly gentleness, and I tried not to look at it judgmentally. I was starting to understand why lightbulbs were out of the question. In juxtaposition with the gentleness she had shown the liquor, she stomped across the small room and shook Marie's sleeping shoulder so roughly she began to fall off the couch. Marie shouted in surprised fear and sat up, eyes wide with confusion. "But we wouldn't need any help if Marie would quit being lazy and help out!" Marie eyes narrowed and she rose to her feet challengingly, her mouth hardening into a pissed off line.

Her eyes found mine, from where I was mostly hidden from her view by her hulking mother, and confused embarrassment and fear replaced her fiery heat. "How about you stop laying on your ass and do something?" Her mother shouted. She swatted at Marie's head, and as the blow landed, her blue hair splayed out about. Marie scurried past her mother, and May shot across the small room to take her spot, sputtering excuses and explanations for her older sister.

"Marie was working hard last night, remember, Ma?" May said shakily, trying to smile although her eyes were unsure. "She was up taking care of Shay."

"I work hard all day, and you three monsters wreck it!" Their mother screamed. Lee shimmied along the wall, hiding her child behind her, covering his mouth so his whimpers were quieter. Marie snatched my hand, and I grabbed my coat, and she yanked open the door. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Her mom yelled.

"Double D was just taking Marie out for a few," Lee said. Her mother turned her scrutinizing gaze to Lee, and her throat tightened as she swallowed her unease. A few moments passed, before the mountainous woman lowered herself onto the couch where Marie had been seconds before.

"Fine, get out, I don't want to look at your stupid face any longer," she rumbled. She ordered May to bring her a beer as Marie closed the door behind us, Shay's cries starting to shriek from within.


	11. Much Needed Support

We ran for the tree line, trying to get out of the wind. When we were in the sheltering shade, Marie screamed with frustration and anger. Her balled fist slammed into a thick tree truck. She swore and cursed and punched and kicked the pine, and I had a hypothesis as to who the bark was a surrogate for. I waited patiently, my heart still racing from the moment before, letting her deal with her trouble in her own way.

She stopped, and her knuckles were torn and bloody. Finally, she looked at me, anger still flickering in her eyes. "Hi," she said.

"Hello," I replied. We began walking, and we stayed quiet, her wrestling her emotions and thoughts, me not wanting to draw her attention and possible anger. After a few minutes, I took her elbow and tugged her towards the cul-de-sac, towards my home. She followed thoughtlessly, so entangled with her thoughts she didn't care where we went.

When we broke the tree line again and entered the alley leading to the cul-de-sac, she glanced around, rubbing her hands on her bare arms. We had fled the trailer so quickly, she didn't even have a coat; just her black tank top and army green jeans. I unzipped my coat, removed one arm, and after arguing for a few seconds, she slipped her arm into the opening. She struggled for a few moments, but finally the zipper shot up the tracks, binding us closer together. We stumbled up the lane, she and I, two bodies in one large, orange coat. We tripped constantly, and after a few awkward moments, she began to laugh as we flopped towards the end of the alley. A four legged, two headed monstrosity we were, one blue head, one capped in black.

We fell through the front door of my home, and after some hollering, we managed to slam the door shut, ending the flurry that followed us in. "Christ, let me outta' this thing!" Marie cried, wiggling to try and free herself.

"But a moment, I'll get us out," I laughed, my numb fingers trying to grasp the small metal zipper.

"Ow! Get your elbow out of my ribs!" She snipped, elbowing me hard in my own side in retaliation.

"You are only exacerbating the situation," I cried, yanking harder on the zipper again. "It's stuck!" She swatted my hand away with her free one and after a few brutal tugs, the zipper ran free, hissing in the air. She peeled herself out from the coat and thanked me, smiling grandly. I hung my coat onto one of the hooks by the door and followed her into the house. She hopped onto the counter of the kitchen and I asked what she wanted to drink. After I gave her my best withering glare when she said whiskey, I poured us each a glass of orange juice and handed her one.

We asked each other about how our breaks were going, making small talk as the howling wind outside beat against the window pane. After a few moments, her demeanor changed, and her smiled faded. "You know, she wasn't always like that," Marie sighed, staring at the swirling beverage in her hand. I stayed quiet; she seemed to be talking to herself more than me. "She used to be really kind and gentle." She took another quick swig before glancing over at me, offering an apologetic smile.

"When Dad was still around, things were a lot better," she mused, staring at the ceiling light, her eyes glazed and miles away. "Sure, we still didn't have much money, but… between the two of them, we got by. I remember that Dad was the one who showed Lee how to put her hair in curlers at night, so they were more controlled in the morning. Ma would paint our toenails on the weekend." She laughed, shaking her head. "Lee always loved this gross, purple shade, reminded me of some sorta' poisonous flower. Ma never was a good cook. Dad always asked what sort of garbage she was trying to feed us that night, but it was always in good fun. He always ate it without complaint, even when Lee and I would cry for something else."

Her smile slowly faded, and I sense the change of pace immediately. "A little after May was born, things got rough. She always cried, more than I guess either Lee or me, and it drove them a little crazy. They started arguing a lot… Dad wasn't really around to play with Lee or me on the weekends anymore, and Mom stopped offering to paint our nails. One day…. He just didn't come home. Ma went out looking for him, and me and Lee were hardly old enough to watch May, but when she finally came home, she didn't come home with no Dad, just a case of red wine."

I didn't know how to respond, quite frankly. She was opening up to me, again, and this time, there was no anger, no hate, no fire burning in her eyes. She reminded me of one of the few times I went camping with my parents, how when we finally left the campsite, Dad would pour river water on the fire, and it would sizzle and pop and fight to stay alive, fight to keep burning. Eventually, the embers turned dull and pale, glowing with a weakened passion that harkened to a beauty now smothered.

Marie looked burnt out and cold. "May doesn't really remember Ma before she turned to the bottle. I don't think she really got the chance." She shook her head, clearing the yearned for memories, and smiled at me. "How about you? How was it, growing up rich?"

I instantly grew uncomfortable. Privilege was a topic that I knew I was privy to, but somehow, I always felt guilty, like somehow I cheated to get the upbringing I had. I talked about growing up before the cul-de-sac, the gross city streets and grumpy folk. I talked about life when I moved here, and she laughed heartily when I recounted some of the scams the troublesome trio crafted, and also the torment Marie and her sisters put us through. She laughed so hard she had to set down her half-filled glass, and hold her sides, spluttering apologies through her gasps.

I stared at her, water running down her cheeks, a huge smile on her face, her blue eye shadow crinkled with joy. "Can I tell you something?" I asked suddenly. She slowly came down from her high and nodded, wiping her face with the back of her hand, smiling good naturedly. She had trusted me with so much, and in this moment, with the laughter and honesty and the smiling, I couldn't find a trace of the mean spirited girl who used to torture me daily.

I started slowly, uncomfortable and unsure. I felt… ashamed, like it was my own fault, and that by saying it out loud, confiding in another, I was somehow incriminating myself further. I kept my gaze straight forward, at a slight discoloration in the white kitchen wall, a focal point that I never wavered from. As I told her about that night, some three or so months ago, I felt my body begin to shake, my palms grow sweaty, and my sentences came out faster and faster, a rushing waterfall, a freight train without brakes. I tried to slow down to breathe deeper, to regain my façade of control, but nothing worked.

My words tumbled out, and before I knew it, I was done. I'd told her everything. I sat there, quaking in tense apprehension, and I kept staring forward, kept staring forward, not having the strength to look and see her facial expression. My mouth was dry and dusty, and I waited for death to come, because in this moment, nothing would've made me happier. Why on _earth_ had I told her?

"I…I suppose I am lucky though," I choked out. "It could've been worse, and furthermore, my life has been relatively stress free." I was parroting back to her what she had said what felt like years ago, but I realized as I said it that I had come to believe it. She slid off of the counter, the buttons of her pants scraping the surface. She came around so she stood before me, but puberty had been a blessing, and I was taller than her. I stared right over her poofy, blue hair, ignoring her.

"Double D?" She asked quietly. I stared on forward, trying to block out her voice, trying to block out my own emotions. "Edward, hey, listen to me." She grabbed my forearm gently, and I pulled a little away. Her hand fell, although her determined glower still well in place. "Double D, are you listening to me?" I tried to drown her out with the noise of my own mind, but each word pierced through my clouded conscious with bright brilliance. "Nod if you can hear me," she demanded. Without my permission, my head bobbed up and down.

"Man, in no way are you lucky," she sighed, shaking her head sadly. For the first time since I stopped talking, I looked down at her in surprise. I imagine that my look was one of incredulity, for her face set into an even harder expression. "I'm being serious, Double D. When I said that, I didn't... I was just angry at everything that was happening. I was embarrassed you'd seen all that stuff, I..."

"Well, I don't have to work insane hours at a boring job just to keep my home, nor do I have to stay up till wee hours of the morn, watching over an infant," I replied. Marie turned her gaze down to the tile floor, gnawing on her lip. "I've never had to wonder if there would be more liquor in the house than sustenance, and I've never had to tap dance around my parents to keep them from getting furious."

"You might be…privileged," Marie said, looking at me, struggling to find the right words, "but being…victimized doesn't mean you're lucky." I looked away, trying to absorb her words.

"It could've been worse, violent…" my voice warbled and her hands shot up, slicing through the air between us, cutting me off.

"Stop. Stop comparing yourself to what happens to others. Just stop, 'cause what happened to them isn't related to what happened to you. You experienced something awful and scarring, and if you keep saying someone else has it worse, and you don't let yourself cope, you aren't gonna' heal." I looked back at her, and she offered a sad smile. "It's okay to admit that it wasn't your fault."

I began crying uncontrollably. Racking sobs shook my body, and I curled in on myself. Marie put her arms around me gently, and when I burrowed into her torso, trying to get closer to her comfort, her embrace grew fierce. We stood in the kitchen, the late morning light filtering in through the shutters, with Marie Kanker's arms around me and my own arms around me, the both of us trying to hold my broken pieces together. My legs grew weak and eventually gave out, and with a little grunt of surprise, Marie held me up, her strong arms not letting me shatter on the floor. For the first time since the attack, someone else was there, holding me. Ed and Eddy had done a splendid job distracting me from what had happened, trying to take my mind off of things, but for the first time, someone was telling me it was okay to cry, to feel my emotions, that I wasn't weak for crying, just…human.

When my tears and sobs finally ebbed away, I stood up on shaky legs, again growing taller than her, and smiled at her with a silent thank you. She released the death grip she had used to keep me on my feet, and when she looked up, I saw her own silent tears glistening. "You, uh, wanna' watch a movie?" I croaked unintelligently. She grinned and nodded, using her forearm to wipe away the liquid lamentation from her cheeks.

We watched a cheesy action movie that I chose, and never would've chosen on any other day. We laughed at the overtly serious facial expressions, and _ohh_ -ed and _ahh_ -ed at the explosions. Close to the end of the flick, one of the main protagonist's cheesy pickup lines, followed by an explosion, caused the both of us to roar with laughter. I leaned against Marie for support as my small abs screamed for respite, and her arm draped over my shoulders casually as her other palm covered her eyes.

That's the scene my folks walked in on. Over the roar of our laughter and the booms of the film, we didn't hear them come through the front door. "Oh!" My father exclaimed as his eyes took us in, a dripping winter coat in one hand, and a binder filled with paper work in the other.

"Greetings, Father," I gasped, smiling at him. My mother stood on her tip toes to see over her husband's shoulder, and her eyes narrowed.

"What's going on here, Edward?" My father asked in a tone that was as light and as care free as a feather. His eyes were cold and hard, not matching the words.

"Oh, nothing. Marie just had the day off from work, so we decided to watch a movie. Father, Mother, you've met Marie Kanker, yes?" Marie's expression had slowly changed, and she stood up, her smile forced now.

"Nice to meet ya'," Marie said, crossing the room and sticking her hand out to my dad. He shook it, and my mother gave Marie a once over, taking in her self-presentation, and her eyes narrowed further still.

"Did Eddy and Ed not want to spend time with you today?" My mother asked curtly, turning her attention back to me. I explained that both had housekeeping, and my mother sighed heavily and obviously.

"Well, I'd better get going," Marie said, her eyes tight as she turned back to me. I offered to walk her to the door, and my parent's didn't really move much, forcing us to squeeze by them.

"My apologies for their behavior," I said confusedly, my brow scrunched. "They've never treated a friend in such a manner before."

"It's alright," Marie sighed as she opened the door and turned to me. Her eyes shot over my shoulder before returning to my own, and then she wrapped me in a friendly hug. "Parents don't care much for me." She left and closed the door behind her, and when I turned back around, both my parents were in the hall, looking at me, their mouth's thin white lines.

"How was work, dearest parents?" I asked, trying to understand the full exchange as I squeezed by them to get into the kitchen.

"How long have you been with her?" Mom snapped immediately, following me into the kitchen.

"Just a few hours, Mother," I said, rinsing out our orange juice glasses and storing them in the dish washer.

"And how long have you been dating her?" my father rebutted. I nearly choked as I spun around.

"She is but a friend!" I said. My mother's tense figure relaxed then, but my father stayed just as ridged.

"Oh? And how long have you been friends for?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"How should I know?" I said in exasperation, throwing my hands in the air. Why on earth were they making such a big deal out of such a small matter? "We've grown up together, how am I supposed to pin point the exact moment we crossed from acquaintance to friends?" My father relaxed after that, and dropped the subject, saying that he and Mother were merely curious.

As I dashed up the stairs to my room, wanting to escape the heat, I heard Mother whisper to Father, "It's not as serious as we thought." I closed my bedroom door and threw myself onto my bed. I couldn't understand their reaction. What was the big deal, any who? So what if she and I were friends? What didn't they like about her? They didn't even know her! They didn't know her background, or how she was the only one who let me grieve freely.

"I guess we're all susceptible to jumping to conclusion," I muttered quietly to myself. I turned my thoughts away from the unexplainable irritation I felt for my parents and turned back to the day I had with Marie. The day had been so…dramatic, with such an explosion of experiences and revelations, and yet, I felt very content and happy. And when my thoughts eventually changed to that fateful night with Nazz, I didn't feel panicked, or scared, or even the need to cry. The grey fog tried to drag me down in a depressed sleepwalk, and yet, I didn't even need to fight to keep it away. As I drifted off to sleep, a long needed nap, my eyelids faded from grey, to black, then lightened to a deep blue.


	12. Propositions

School started up, and everyone was back at school, wearing their new letterman jackets, shoes, brand name jeans, and sporting new phones and laptops. Winter break was the primary discussion topic in the hallways for the first couple weeks; everyone either bragging or complaining about what gifts their parents had gotten them. Ed had received countless vintage comics, and I often would smile when he would slam his tray down next to me in the lunch room and pull out a comic in mint condition, a plastic sleeve covering each page. We would flip through it together, and he would enthusiastically point out the quality of color or the cool catch phrases, and I would smile and nod and try to understand his joy. Even if I couldn't pull happiness from the villain's artwork, I could certainly become cheery at seeing my friend wiggle with the joy over the bold fonts.

Eddy was happier than you might think to return to class. Over the holidays, Eddy's older brother always came home. The events from the "incident" all those years ago reminded his older brother to treat Eddy better. However, his brother certainly found ways of being cruel without the physical violence. Back in class, he escaped his suffocating house, and he didn't have to be in the same building as his elder brother.

However, as I soon knew it would, the conversation turned from winter break and focused in on something even more nerve wracking: prom. The girls tittered and giggled about the dress selections and colors, the flow of the fabric, the fake, plastic gem adornments, the expensive footwear, and all the other strings attached. I avoided talking about this subject as one might avoid the Bubonic Plague, how a mosquito might avoid bug spray. I steered clear of all romantic notions, and focused on my studies.

Over the last few days of break, I had finally sent out my essays and applications to the universities I desired to attend in the fall. Princeton, Harvard, and Yale were the most prestigious of the ones I applied to, but also Dartmouth and Brown were in my selection. While the average Jane and Joe quaked in their boots over finding a date to the socially expected occasion, I shook at the idea of not being accepted. My ACT and SAT scores were amazing; perfect grade on my ACT, and in the top three percent for my SAT. I couldn't imagine the universities not vying for my attention, let alone deny me entrance into their establishments. However, as confident as I should've been, I still checked the mailbox and my email daily.

I spent most my evenings studying. I felt my life regain the momentum and focus it once had, and normality was returning. Ed and Eddy spent many evenings at my house, distracting me while I studied, then leaving rather late. Occasionally, Eddy would bring a bottle of an unfamiliar fancy, and I would politely decline a glass, pint, shot, or whatever form of container was offered to me. On those evenings, I told Ed to walk Eddy all the way home, and to see to it that Eddy was tucked into bed before he returned to his own homestead.

Marie joined me and the guys an increasing amount. Sometimes, she would study with me, trying to improve her academic standing, and other times, she'd goof off with the other two boys, driving me crazy in an acceptable way. May or Lee would also occasionally join us, but never both of them at the same time; I imagine that either Lee or May went home to care for Shay.

Whenever my parents were home, the Kanker's never asked permission to come along with us. Although I wished to invite them, I was still confused as to my parent's general disposition towards them. Things were confusing and twisted, and I already had enough on my plate to deal with.

One night, on the rare occasion that it was only Marie and I, I was reviewing flashcards while she flipped through television channels. "Marie, you really should be studying," I chided from where I was curled up on the recliner.

"What for?" She groaned sprawling further on the couch, taking up as much space as possible. "It's not like grades matter anyways."

"My word!" I gasped; had anyone said anything so _ludicrous_ in the history of the planet? "But of course grades matter! The academic levels of achievement we acquire are tangible and valuable things that directly affect what university will accept us and examine our applications."

"University?" Marie scoffed, not taking her eyes off the plasma screen. "Like, college? What makes you think that's a thing for me? With what money would I pay for that?"

"Well, perhaps not by yourself…" I muttered, mentally beating myself for not being clearer. "But with loans, merit aid, and scholarships, you could do splendid in a foundation of higher education." Her head rolled over to look at me, and she smiled in a way that didn't communicate joy as much as it communicated hopelessness.

"Now, I might not be smart as you," she drawled, "but I do know a few things. First, they look at the classes I've taken, and my rolling GPA, yeah?" I nodded, and she made a small farting noise with her tongue that made me giggle. "Right, and I've taken the easiest classes, and _still_ have managed to fail some. My GPA? Not very hot, and my extracurricular and outside the classroom involvement includes vaping and swaddling a screaming infant. Those are all the things they really look at, right?"

"Come on, Marie," I sighed, lowering my flashcards and frowning at her. "Perhaps you haven't perform…the best in school, but it's never too late to improve, and your need will get you more support than you think."

"Double D, what's the point?" she groaned sitting upright finally and turning to me. "What's the point in going to class and paying attention, huh? There ain't one, 'cause I'm not gonna' be an accountant or a lawyer or an athletic trainer! The most I'll ever amount to is a gas station clerk, maybe a manager if I'm lucky, making maybe twelve bucks an hour and living in either a shack or trailer. So what's the point, if I'm not ever going to go farther? Hell, I'm lucky I even made it to senior year."

"Come on, please try harder?" I asked.

"Easy for you to say," Marie grinned. "All the teacher's love you, they eat up every little thing you say! They don't care about some punk like me; I'm just trouble."

"Come on, at least _try_ to work harder?" I asked. She glared at me, and I stared back, and finally she groaned.

"Jesus, would you quit with the puppy dog eyes? Geez! You're driving me nuts! Alright! I'll at least make a better effort," she groaned. I smiled in appreciation, and she stuck out her tongue defiantly before flipping off the television and yanking her English textbook from her backpack.

The next day in Literature class, the final period of the day, we discussed the play we had been reading in class together. When Mr. Wichman asked for our opinions, thesis, or questions about _Taming of the Shrew_ , I, along with several of my chattier and more confident classmates, didn't hesitate to start the conversation. As the discussion expanded and continued, I turned around in my front row seat, and caught Marie's eye. She sat in the very back row, in the leftmost desk, trying to put as much distance between her and the teacher. I smiled at her encouragingly, and she stuck her tongue out defiantly as Jimmy voice his opinion of Petruchio. I stuck my lip out in an animated pout, and after groaning and rubbing her forehead angrily, she raised her hand high into the air.

I turned about in my chair, proud that I'd been able to convince her. Mr. Wichman glanced to the back of the room and must've seen Marie's raised hand, but proceeded to call on every other student before Marie, even if they had raised their hands after her. When not a single other student raised their hand to continue the class discussion, Mr. Wichman sighed inwardly, and called on Marie with a rather pinched expression.

"I dunno,'" Marie said. "A lot of people just look at Kate and see some unruly bully, but like, when she was talking to Bianca and hitting her…maybe hitting her sister wasn't the best way to convince her, but she was just trying to tell her little sister that she was just as good as any man, ya' know? Just trying to let her little sister get it through her head that she mattered, and she didn't have to wait on her fiancé hand and foot." I nodded to myself; it was a decent analysis. Wichman blinked, then without a word, turned and called on another student as if she hadn't spoken.

I felt more than a little confused. Whenever I offered something to say in class, it was quickly followed by an encouraging grin from the professor, and an agreeing comment. After class, I waited by the door for Marie, and she glared at me accusingly when she got close enough. "See? That's why I don't try in class, because it doesn't matter what I do or say. The teachers still think whatever they want of me."

"And what do they think of you?" I asked as we strolled out of the room.

"That I'm stupid," Marie growled.

"Then prove them wrong." She rolled her eyes at me and stuck out her tongue stubbornly. She bounced off to her own class, and I myself went my own way. For the remainder of the day, a little bubble of pride sat in my stomach, and I couldn't help but happily think of how Marie was making an effort.

That evening, Eddy got stuck at school again with detention, and Ed himself was grounded for somehow irritating Sarah again. I began walking home alone when somebody nudged me roughly to the side, nearly sending me stumbling off the curb and into the gutter.

"Hiya, Angel Cake," Marie sang as I regained my balance. I quickly reprimanded her for her rather impolite greeting, trying to ignore the little wiggle my stomach did at her contact as we walked to my house together, chattering about our day at school. When we got home, Marie surprised me by immediately curling up on the couch and yanking out her _Taming of the Shrew_ book, reading the night's assignment. I strolled into the kitchen, poured us each a glass of soda, and then sat in the nearby recliner.

We studied in silence for some time, and after what must've been an hour of or so, she shut her book with a sigh and pushed it back into her backpack. Wordlessly agreeing that my eyes could also use reprieve, I too shut my book as she flicked on the T.V. lazily. She clicked through a few channels, and when a channel showed a girl with flawless skin twirling with a giant smile and satin dress, Marie groaned.

"God, kill me," she complained. "Everyone is talking about prom, and I just want to sit on the couch with some chips." The advertisement showed a broad shouldered young man laughing at some unknown joke, his tux crisp and new.

"Oh please," I smiled at the screen, "there is some appeal to a night of unwinding from the stress of graduation."

"Prom's just a gross excuse to waste money on expensive clothes, an expensive limo, expensive food! Some gross dancing that doesn't really count as dancing and sex in the bathroom stalls," she spat, crinkling her nose in disgust. I looked at her in shock, asking if all that had happened at the prom last year. She looked away sheepishly, muttering, "I, uh, actually didn't go last year."

"Well, how could you possibly know it would be so miserable?" I asked with a laugh.

"I just know, okay?" she said, rolling her eyes.

"You couldn't possibly!" I argued as the pair on the screen smiled in the flash of an adoring father's camera lens. I myself hadn't gone the past year, and for the first time in two years, I felt the need to experience it. I glanced over at Marie, her shaggy blue hair covering her eyes, leaving only the lower half of her face exposed to my gaze.

"Whatever, it's all lame," she mumbled stubbornly. However, as I watched her pink lips, I saw them curl into a wishful smile as she watched more of the boutique shop television spot. The girl on screen spun in a circle, her long, blonde hair flying weightless behind her, the full skirt of her green gown fanning about her thin calves.

We'd gotten so close these past months. I wasn't sure when the precise moment was that I started trusting her so. I found myself not only looking forward to seeing her, but craving her time, watching the school clock's second hand, willing the day to end, hoping she'd ask to come over when she passed me in the hall. I felt…strongly and strangely for her. I wanted to see her every day, similar to how I always looked forward to seeing Ed and Eddy, but…differently. These emotions, these desires, were strange and nerve wracking to me.

When had my nervous smile when she speaks to me gone from my regular social anxiety to hearing the slight sassy tone in her voice? When had I started saying things, hoping she would playfully push or punch me? I couldn't remember, I couldn't remember, but seeing her daydream grin, the dim light of the kitchen light casting her in a mysterious shadow, imagining her in that green bejeweled gown, I felt a desire to do something that, given my usual nervous demeanor, I never imagined doing.

"Marie, I was wondering," I asked quietly, staring at my shaking hands, "would you accompany me to the prom?" On screen, the boutique's name flashed in shining, curvy letters. In my living room, everything froze. Marie's hand, holding the remote, slowly lifted, and she muted the television.

"Come again?" She said, her tone bewildered. I peeked up at her, and her whole body was turned towards me, her eyes wide, her rear hardly perched on the edge of the couch. I asked again, keeping my eyes nervously raised to her. Perhaps I had made a mistake; our childhood romance had been so long ago, and my lack of reciprocation might've discouraged her. Sure, she had always been more than friendly with me, but flirty could've been her common personality, her regular demeanor. Had I misinterpreted?

"I, uh… yeah." She nodded mechanically. "Yeah, I'd love too, Double D," she said, a small smile creeping onto her lips. She crossed the room and slowly wrapped me in an intimate hug, one I returned slowly, unsurely; how _exactly_ does one do these sort of things?

"Well, I better get home," she said calmly, grabbing her backpack. "I gotta' help watch Shay tonight and stuff." I watched her carefully; her smile told me she was happy, but her sudden tranquility and formality made me unsure. "Goodnight, Double D," she said in a relaxed tone. She let herself out the front door, and after a moment, I went to the window. I peeked carefully through a small slit in the blinds, watching her walk down the pathway and down the driveway. When she reached the sidewalk the end of the drive, she stood very still.

Her body suddenly shattered into a joyous dance of shakes and jumps and pumps and all assortment of movements. She crowed loudly, throwing her bag behind her in jubilee, hopping about like a toddler who was just informed of an upcoming Disneyland trip. I covered my mouth, as if she might overhear, and laughed quietly into my palm as she skipped about, twirling and screaming incoherently.


	13. Choppy Waters

School started up, and everyone was back at school, wearing their new letterman jackets, shoes, brand name jeans, and sporting new phones and laptops. Winter break was the primary discussion topic in the hallways for the first couple weeks; everyone either bragging or complaining about what gifts their parents had gotten them. Ed had received countless vintage comics, and I often would smile when he would slam his tray down next to me in the lunch room and pull out a comic in mint condition, a plastic sleeve covering each page. We would flip through it together, and he would enthusiastically point out the quality of color or the cool catch phrases, and I would smile and nod and try to understand his joy. Even if I couldn't pull happiness from the villain's artwork, I could certainly become cheery at seeing my friend wiggle with the joy over the bold fonts.

Eddy was happier than you might think to return to class. Over the holidays, Eddy's older brother always came home. The events from the "incident" all those years ago reminded his older brother to treat Eddy better. However, his brother certainly found ways of being cruel without the physical violence. Back in class, he escaped his suffocating house, and he didn't have to be in the same building as his elder brother.

However, as I soon knew it would, the conversation turned from winter break and focused in on something even more nerve wracking: prom. The girls tittered and giggled about the dress selections and colors, the flow of the fabric, the fake, plastic gem adornments, the expensive footwear, and all the other strings attached. I avoided talking about this subject as one might avoid the Bubonic Plague, how a mosquito might avoid bug spray. I steered clear of all romantic notions, and focused on my studies.

Over the last few days of break, I had finally sent out my essays and applications to the universities I desired to attend in the fall. Princeton, Harvard, and Yale were the most prestigious of the ones I applied to, but also Dartmouth and Brown were in my selection. While the average Jane and Joe quaked in their boots over finding a date to the socially expected occasion, I shook at the idea of not being accepted. My ACT and SAT scores were amazing; perfect grade on my ACT, and in the top three percent for my SAT. I couldn't imagine the universities not vying for my attention, let alone deny me entrance into their establishments. However, as confident as I should've been, I still checked the mailbox and my email daily.

I spent most my evenings studying. I felt my life regain the momentum and focus it once had, and normality was returning. Ed and Eddy spent many evenings at my house, distracting me while I studied, then leaving rather late. Occasionally, Eddy would bring a bottle of an unfamiliar fancy, and I would politely decline a glass, pint, shot, or whatever form of container was offered to me. On those evenings, I told Ed to walk Eddy all the way home, and to see to it that Eddy was tucked into bed before he returned to his own homestead.

Marie joined me and the guys an increasing amount. Sometimes, she would study with me, trying to improve her academic standing, and other times, she'd goof off with the other two boys, driving me crazy in an acceptable way. May or Lee would also occasionally join us, but never both of them at the same time; I imagine that either Lee or May went home to care for Shay.

Whenever my parents were home, the Kanker's never asked permission to come along with us. Although I wished to invite them, I was still confused as to my parent's general disposition towards them. Things were confusing and twisted, and I already had enough on my plate to deal with.

One night, on the rare occasion that it was only Marie and I, I was reviewing flashcards while she flipped through television channels. "Marie, you really should be studying," I chided from where I was curled up on the recliner.

"What for?" She groaned sprawling further on the couch, taking up as much space as possible. "It's not like grades matter anyways."

"My word!" I gasped; had anyone said anything so _ludicrous_ in the history of the planet? "But of course grades matter! The academic levels of achievement we acquire are tangible and valuable things that directly affect what university will accept us and examine our applications."

"University?" Marie scoffed, not taking her eyes off the plasma screen. "Like, college? What makes you think that's a thing for me? With what money would I pay for that?"

"Well, perhaps not by yourself…" I muttered, mentally beating myself for not being clearer. "But with loans, merit aid, and scholarships, you could do splendid in a foundation of higher education." Her head rolled over to look at me, and she smiled in a way that didn't communicate joy as much as it communicated hopelessness.

"Now, I might not be smart as you," she drawled, "but I do know a few things. First, they look at the classes I've taken, and my rolling GPA, yeah?" I nodded, and she made a small farting noise with her tongue that made me giggle. "Right, and I've taken the easiest classes, and _still_ have managed to fail some. My GPA? Not very hot, and my extracurricular and outside the classroom involvement includes vaping and swaddling a screaming infant. Those are all the things they really look at, right?"

"Come on, Marie," I sighed, lowering my flashcards and frowning at her. "Perhaps you haven't perform…the best in school, but it's never too late to improve, and your need will get you more support than you think."

"Double D, what's the point?" she groaned sitting upright finally and turning to me. "What's the point in going to class and paying attention, huh? There ain't one, 'cause I'm not gonna' be an accountant or a lawyer or an athletic trainer! The most I'll ever amount to is a gas station clerk, maybe a manager if I'm lucky, making maybe twelve bucks an hour and living in either a shack or trailer. So what's the point, if I'm not ever going to go farther? Hell, I'm lucky I even made it to senior year."

"Come on, please try harder?" I asked.

"Easy for you to say," Marie grinned. "All the teacher's love you, they eat up every little thing you say! They don't care about some punk like me; I'm just trouble."

"Come on, at least _try_ to work harder?" I asked. She glared at me, and I stared back, and finally she groaned.

"Jesus, would you quit with the puppy dog eyes? Geez! You're driving me nuts! Alright! I'll at least make a better effort," she groaned. I smiled in appreciation, and she stuck out her tongue defiantly before flipping off the television and yanking her English textbook from her backpack.

The next day in Literature class, the final period of the day, we discussed the play we had been reading in class together. When Mr. Wichman asked for our opinions, thesis, or questions about _Taming of the Shrew_ , I, along with several of my chattier and more confident classmates, didn't hesitate to start the conversation. As the discussion expanded and continued, I turned around in my front row seat, and caught Marie's eye. She sat in the very back row, in the leftmost desk, trying to put as much distance between her and the teacher. I smiled at her encouragingly, and she stuck her tongue out defiantly as Jimmy voice his opinion of Petruchio. I stuck my lip out in an animated pout, and after groaning and rubbing her forehead angrily, she raised her hand high into the air.

I turned about in my chair, proud that I'd been able to convince her. Mr. Wichman glanced to the back of the room and must've seen Marie's raised hand, but proceeded to call on every other student before Marie, even if they had raised their hands after her. When not a single other student raised their hand to continue the class discussion, Mr. Wichman sighed inwardly, and called on Marie with a rather pinched expression.

"I dunno,'" Marie said. "A lot of people just look at Kate and see some unruly bully, but like, when she was talking to Bianca and hitting her…maybe hitting her sister wasn't the best way to convince her, but she was just trying to tell her little sister that she was just as good as any man, ya' know? Just trying to let her little sister get it through her head that she mattered, and she didn't have to wait on her fiancé hand and foot." I nodded to myself; it was a decent analysis. Wichman blinked, then without a word, turned and called on another student as if she hadn't spoken.

I felt more than a little confused. Whenever I offered something to say in class, it was quickly followed by an encouraging grin from the professor, and an agreeing comment. After class, I waited by the door for Marie, and she glared at me accusingly when she got close enough. "See? That's why I don't try in class, because it doesn't matter what I do or say. The teachers still think whatever they want of me."

"And what do they think of you?" I asked as we strolled out of the room.

"That I'm stupid," Marie growled.

"Then prove them wrong." She rolled her eyes at me and stuck out her tongue stubbornly. She bounced off to her own class, and I myself went my own way. For the remainder of the day, a little bubble of pride sat in my stomach, and I couldn't help but happily think of how Marie was making an effort.

That evening, Eddy got stuck at school again with detention, and Ed himself was grounded for somehow irritating Sarah again. I began walking home alone when somebody nudged me roughly to the side, nearly sending me stumbling off the curb and into the gutter.

"Hiya, Angel Cake," Marie sang as I regained my balance. I quickly reprimanded her for her rather impolite greeting, trying to ignore the little wiggle my stomach did at her contact as we walked to my house together, chattering about our day at school. When we got home, Marie surprised me by immediately curling up on the couch and yanking out her _Taming of the Shrew_ book, reading the night's assignment. I strolled into the kitchen, poured us each a glass of soda, and then sat in the nearby recliner.

We studied in silence for some time, and after what must've been an hour of or so, she shut her book with a sigh and pushed it back into her backpack. Wordlessly agreeing that my eyes could also use reprieve, I too shut my book as she flicked on the T.V. lazily. She clicked through a few channels, and when a channel showed a girl with flawless skin twirling with a giant smile and satin dress, Marie groaned.

"God, kill me," she complained. "Everyone is talking about prom, and I just want to sit on the couch with some chips." The advertisement showed a broad shouldered young man laughing at some unknown joke, his tux crisp and new.

"Oh please," I smiled at the screen, "there is some appeal to a night of unwinding from the stress of graduation."

"Prom's just a gross excuse to waste money on expensive clothes, an expensive limo, expensive food! Some gross dancing that doesn't really count as dancing and sex in the bathroom stalls," she spat, crinkling her nose in disgust. I looked at her in shock, asking if all that had happened at the prom last year. She looked away sheepishly, muttering, "I, uh, actually didn't go last year."

"Well, how could you possibly know it would be so miserable?" I asked with a laugh.

"I just know, okay?" she said, rolling her eyes.

"You couldn't possibly!" I argued as the pair on the screen smiled in the flash of an adoring father's camera lens. I myself hadn't gone the past year, and for the first time in two years, I felt the need to experience it. I glanced over at Marie, her shaggy blue hair covering her eyes, leaving only the lower half of her face exposed to my gaze.

"Whatever, it's all lame," she mumbled stubbornly. However, as I watched her pink lips, I saw them curl into a wishful smile as she watched more of the boutique shop television spot. The girl on screen spun in a circle, her long, blonde hair flying weightless behind her, the full skirt of her green gown fanning about her thin calves.

We'd gotten so close these past months. I wasn't sure when the precise moment was that I started trusting her so. I found myself not only looking forward to seeing her, but craving her time, watching the school clock's second hand, willing the day to end, hoping she'd ask to come over when she passed me in the hall. I felt…strongly and strangely for her. I wanted to see her every day, similar to how I always looked forward to seeing Ed and Eddy, but…differently. These emotions, these desires, were strange and nerve wracking to me.

When had my nervous smile when she speaks to me gone from my regular social anxiety to hearing the slight sassy tone in her voice? When had I started saying things, hoping she would playfully push or punch me? I couldn't remember, I couldn't remember, but seeing her daydream grin, the dim light of the kitchen light casting her in a mysterious shadow, imagining her in that green bejeweled gown, I felt a desire to do something that, given my usual nervous demeanor, I never imagined doing.

"Marie, I was wondering," I asked quietly, staring at my shaking hands, "would you accompany me to the prom?" On screen, the boutique's name flashed in shining, curvy letters. In my living room, everything froze. Marie's hand, holding the remote, slowly lifted, and she muted the television.

"Come again?" She said, her tone bewildered. I peeked up at her, and her whole body was turned towards me, her eyes wide, her rear hardly perched on the edge of the couch. I asked again, keeping my eyes nervously raised to her. Perhaps I had made a mistake; our childhood romance had been so long ago, and my lack of reciprocation might've discouraged her. Sure, she had always been more than friendly with me, but flirty could've been her common personality, her regular demeanor. Had I misinterpreted?

"I, uh… yeah." She nodded mechanically. "Yeah, I'd love too, Double D," she said, a small smile creeping onto her lips. She crossed the room and slowly wrapped me in an intimate hug, one I returned slowly, unsurely; how _exactly_ does one do these sort of things?

"Well, I better get home," she said calmly, grabbing her backpack. "I gotta' help watch Shay tonight and stuff." I watched her carefully; her smile told me she was happy, but her sudden tranquility and formality made me unsure. "Goodnight, Double D," she said in a relaxed tone. She let herself out the front door, and after a moment, I went to the window. I peeked carefully through a small slit in the blinds, watching her walk down the pathway and down the driveway. When she reached the sidewalk the end of the drive, she stood very still.

Her body suddenly shattered into a joyous dance of shakes and jumps and pumps and all assortment of movements. She crowed loudly, throwing her bag behind her in jubilee, hopping about like a toddler who was just informed of an upcoming Disneyland trip. I covered my mouth, as if she might overhear, and laughed quietly into my palm as she skipped about, twirling and screaming incoherently.


	14. Dusk Till Dawn

"Relax, Double D! You're making me nervous," Eddy growled, brushing lint off the back of my tuxedo's jacket. The three of us, Ed, Eddy and I, were standing in Eddy's bedroom, crowded in front of his thin body length mirror, appraising each other and ourselves. Each of us had on a crisp tuxedo, each with their own variations. Ed's traditional tux had a red rose boutonniere pinned to it. Eddy's tux was all black and white, and his sport's jacket had theatric coat tails on it, reminding me of 1900's cocktail parties. My own tux was black and white as well, but unlike my two friend's ties, which were black, mine was a small, purple, satin bow tie. Marie had told me many times what the color of her dress was, and I was going to surprise her with a matching corsage and boutonniere. After seeing that I was going to buy Marie a "pretty flower thing", Ed had followed suit, buying a blazing crimson set for his own date. "The limo's here, let's go!" Eddy shouted, peeking out from his bedroom window.

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," I gasped, tugging and pulling my own ensemble in countless places, hoping it looked…well, dashing. I tugged on my black beanie, ever present, in irritation. I had tried using one of Eddy's flashy fedoras to hide the scars, but you could _see_ it! I tugged on my hat nervously; had any fool ever worn an old, raggedy ski hat with a tuxedo before? "You look fine, Romeo! Let's go!" Eddy shrieked, yanking me out the back door of his bedroom. The sun was setting, and the cul de sac was aglow in the early spring orange of a late afternoon. As us three pals stumbled across the backyard and to the street, I tried to smooth the wrinkled fabric from Eddy's rough fingers.

We gave the girl's address to the driver, and all shivered with excitement. Eddy had asked Lee to the dance when he discovered that Ed and I were taking the other two sisters out, saying "it just makes sense." Lee and Eddy both knew it was a platonic date, but according to Marie, Lee hadn't stopped talking about going to prom since Eddy asked her.

The limo was a treat between us three gentleman. I doubted any of the Kankers had been treated so well before, and I had suggested spoiling them this eve. I was grinning ear to ear uncontrollably; I couldn't wait to see the look on Marie's face when she saw the limousine pull up to her home.

When we pulled up to the Kanker trailer in the Park-n-Flush, the driver got out of his seat at our request and looked at the grimy mobile home condescendingly. "This the right place?" he grunted with distaste.

"It most certainly is!" I sang, far too excited to contain myself. I ran ahead of the others, and Ed and I raced each other up the steps, laughing. He reached the door first, and pounded loudly. My heart was racing; this was exhilarating! Going on a date, dressing up…surprising someone I cared for.

May opened the door and squealed. "MARIE! LEE! GET OUT HERE!" Her golden tresses were wrapped into an intricate bun on top of her head, and her tight, red dress hugged her body. Some of the beading on it was missing, but when Ed told her how beautiful she was as he held out her corsage, the way her face lit up melted my heart. As she threw her arms around her boyfriend's neck, her joy causing her to wiggle about, you didn't care that her dress was second hand.

Lee strutted past the three of us to Eddy, who waited patiently for his date at the bottom of the stairs. Her gown was dark blue and her red hair was shocking in contrast. The curls had been straightened out, and it fell smoothly down her back, a classy braid circling her head before flowing silkily down with the rest of her tresses. "Lookin' flawless, toots," Eddy smirked, nodding at Lee charmingly. Lee opened her mouth, but her response was lost to me, as Marie peeked out the front door to me.

Dainty pearls adorned her blue hair, gleaming in the sweet orange sunlight. Her dark purple dress wasn't exactly what you'd expect from such a tough, no nonsense girl. The fabric was strapless on top, the corset bejeweled with pearls that matched her hair ornaments. The skirt of the dress was poofy and full, like the princess wedding dress you saw in all the children's movies. She looked sweet, delicate, and extremely feminine.

I hardly recognized her with all the girly additives, but when her eyes met mine, and she smiled, I still saw my Marie beneath all the flashy gems. I wondered when I started thinking of her as mine.

Marie had told me how long she and her sisters had been preparing for this night. Lee and Marie had been working overtime, using the money to buy each of them a second hand dress. If you looked carefully, you'd see a loose thread here, a light stain there, but with the way the three of them smiled, you could hardly look away from their glowing faces to criticize their dresses. Lee had hired a middle schooler in the trailer park to watch Shay for the night, and May had hidden the liquor so their mother would leave to purchase more so they could get ready without her.

"You look… exquisite, no, I mean," my words were clunky and dry, awkward between us as she stepped towards me, smiling expectantly. "I mean, there isn't a word in the English dictionary that could describe how amazing you look."

"Of course I look good," she snorted, fluffing her blue hair in a nonchalant manner. "What'd you expect?" she laughed confidently. When she peered up at me, I could see into her; my comment meant more than she let on.

"Would you guys hurry up?" Eddy shouted over his shoulder as he led Lee chivalrously to the limo.

"You got us a limo?" May squealed as she tugged on Ed's arm, dragging him to the long, black car.

"The best for my sweet," he grinned, helping her into the car. Marie was wordless as I gently helped her into the car, swelling with pride at getting to treat her and her sisters so specially. The guys and I surprised them with a dinner at the local fancy restaurant, and as we poured from the restaurant back into the limo, finally making our way to the dance, the Kankers couldn't stop fawning over the car, the dinner, and every little thing under the sun.

"You're so good to me," May cooed, snuggling against Ed in the limo.

"Yeah, you treat all your girlfriends like this?" Lee asked in awe, looking at Eddy.

"Nope. Just you, sweet cheeks," Eddy smirked, throwing his arm theatrically around Lee's shoulders.

"Oh! My hero!" Lee laughed, leaning against her date with a roll of the eyes. Marie leaned on my shoulder, and heaved a sigh that made me look at her nervously.

"Marie, are you feeling well?" I whispered to her quietly. She looked up at me dreamily and nodded.

"Yeah, just…happy," she sighed. I smiled as she wiggled a little closer. We joked and laughed and shouted until we finally pulled up the banquet hall the dance was being hosted in. Several heads turned at the approach of our limousine.

"Yo! Driver!" Eddy shouted up front. "Come and open up the door for these fine ladies!" As the driver huffed and came around, I berated my pal for his rough command, but May's eyes were saucers as someone else opened the car door for her.

"How charming," Lee mused as we all piled out. "You lookin' for a permanent gal, Shorty?" Lee asked Eddy with a smirk.

"Not now, but you can fill out an application," Eddy grinned, offering his arm to Lee as he led her into the building. The dance floor was dark and for the majority of the first half hour, songs I'd never heard before played loudly, throbbing through my frail body, making my rib cage rattle inside of me. Everyone else around me screamed along to the lyrics, the layering of countless voices making the actual words muddle into unintelligent sounds.

Marie dragged me along with our group into the very center of the dance floor, and at first, I shuddered with the proximity of others, the constant jostling of my body by another's elbow or hand irritating me at being so close. However, as she smiled encouragingly at me and laughed breathlessly with the high that came with feeling so alive, I began to relax, and even enjoy myself. All my life, even after I was wholly accepted by my peers in the cul-de-sac, I felt… a bit on the outskirts of the group. No one did anything to make me feel like I didn't belong, but I knew that as I curled up with my textbooks on Friday nights, that most others were not. Now, in the center of a dark room, pulsing beats, hot bodies hopping together in unison, I felt part of a whole.

Eddy and Kevin hogged the dance circle when the more familiar songs played, and occasionally Rolf would swagger into the center, his traditional dance moves and unique culture making us scream in excitement. Johnny and plank also danced in the center, soaking in the cheers.

When the first slow song of the night played, the mood in the room changed a bit. Those who came without dates or in groups funneled out into the atrium of the building, to gulp water and snack on the food provided. Ed and May instantly swept each other into a formal waltz, their stiff awkwardness forgotten when you saw the dreaminess of their gaze when they looked in each other's eyes. Lee and Eddy walked far from the DJ's booth and spun slowly, their arms around each other, chatting animatedly about something I couldn't hear.

Marie could probably smell my uncertainty, for she gently led me closer to the DJ's stand, just close enough that the heartfelt guitar strums rang in my bones, but didn't hurt my ears. She led the dance, letting me grow use to the feeling of such movements. She slowly slid closer, and together, we spun slowly, a single unit in a dim ballroom, our breaths in tune to both each other and the music. I think I'm the one who leaned in for the kiss, although honestly, my happiness was so great, I can't really remember. In that first kiss, the strobe lights splayed a playful orange light across our bodies, nothing could've been better.

Throughout the rest of the dance, the evening was grand. We six misfits sang the wrong words, pumped our fists when the beat dropped a second later, and struggled to breathe as we jumped in the center of a sea of bodies, not caring if we were making a mess of things. During the slow dances, Marie and I removed ourselves from the tangle of limbs and focused on each other. I gazed into her eyes, my heart and the bass of the music roaring so loudly that I wouldn't have heard her words if she spoke to me. Thankfully, she didn't say anything to me in those moments. Frankly, words weren't needed. Everything we needed to say was said with our eyes.

"Dear God, please take these things off of me before I die!" Marie shouted as we piled back into the limo after the dance, holding her foot in the air, her stiletto pointed to the ceiling. We all talked, and decided just to return to my house for the evening, and not attend either the after prom parties or the post-prom event the school sponsored, all of us just wanting to relax.

At my place, the girls immediately tore at their shoes and hair, getting comfortable after a fancy night. I ran upstairs to my room and returned with some basketball shorts and some of my baggy T shirts for them to change into in the bathroom. When we all had dressed down and were comfortable, we watched a movie that Ed suggested. The shrill screams and blood and gore were lost on all of us, save for May and Ed.

Lee left halfway through, saying she had things to take care of at home. I assumed she wanted to relieve the babysitter of Shay. Eddy went with her, making sure she made it home okay. I don't remember falling asleep, but I must have, for the next thing I remember was a whisper cuss word. My eyes creaked open, and May was trying to slip on her heel quietly. She smiled apologetically at waking me, and Ed held her hand as she stomped the other shoe on. He waved goodbye, and the door closed behind them. This left me alone, sprawled on the couch, Marie breathing quietly on top of me in slumber, and the dawns pure and gentle light filtering in slightly through the blinds.


	15. After Party(Lemons)

**So this is the lemon chapter of this story. The story is marked as M, and this is my disclaimer. Sexual explicitly takes place here, as well as mature language! Just about all my stories have a chapter like this, so if you've read my other pieces, you were probably expecting this. If these themes don't fit your palate, please feel free to skip this chapter and read the next one! Nothing vital will happen in this chapter, so don't worry about missing anything! This chapter is basically fapfiction, and will use very graphic language and imagery. Enjoy.**

Everything was heavy; my arms, my feet, even the rise and fall of my chest as I breathed was a challenge. The night before had drained me, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd done that much physical activity. My feet were sore, and my mouth was dry.

I stroked Marie's blue air into tameness, thinking silently to myself of the dance. Everything had been so grand, and I chuckled silently at remembering Ed's amazing air guitars. The rapid shaking of my soundless laughter stirred my date, and she groaned in protest as she rose to consciousness. "My apologies Marie, did I wake you?" Marie blinked at me in confusion, then looked around the room, staring finally out the front window, where dawn's sunshine was peeking through.

"What time is it?' she croaked. I shimmied my hand in between her body and mine, into my pocket, and yanked out my phone.

"Around 5:30 in the morning," I replied, my voice wheezing. Marie groaned and flopped down onto my chest, complaining that I'd allowed her to fall asleep. "Hey, I fell asleep too! The movie wasn't terribly interesting."

"I probably look awful," Marie grumbled into my chest. She peeked up at me, and I feel like being dishonest is a crime. She didn't look put together at all. Her mascara and eyeliner smeared down her cheeks, and the lipstick from the night before was splotched across her right cheek. I quickly looked down at my own shirt, and saw that the rest of her coloring had worked its way into the fabric. Despite the strange face paint, she looked…so fresh and relaxed. There was a peace in her eyes, like the stresses of the day had been wiped away at night, leaving her hopefully and light. She was beautiful.

"You look wonderful," I smiled honestly. She snorted in disbelief and clamored off of me, straightening my clothes on her body ruefully.

"Mind if I take a shower?" she asked, combing her fingers through her blue hair self-consciously. "I can smell about ten other sweaty, dancing bodies on me." I yawned, and led her upstairs to my bathroom, scratching my scalp carefully from beneath my beanie. I grabbed her a fresh towel and began running the hot water for her. Just as she was about to close the door, she stopped, and looked at me shyly. "Do you wanna' join me?"

I shook my head rapidly, stuttering some nervous response before fleeing nervously downstairs to the guest bath. As I took my own shower separately, my mind raced with thoughts of us, together, under a steaming waterfall. I both cursed myself for denying the invitation and coddled myself, telling my own self that I'd made the right choice. Regret, relief, and a tingling in the pit of my stomach accompanied me as I scrubbed my body of the refuse of sweat from the night before.

I tried to rush and beat her out of the shower, but when I came stumbling into my bedroom, a towel about my waist and sopping wet, she was already there. Her hair was slightly tousled, and a crisp wet towel was wrapped around her as she bent slightly at the waist, appraising my ant farm. "I didn't know you had one of these things," she said to me as she turned at my approach. The clothes she had borrowed from me the night before were in a small heap on the floor by the door. "I don't have any clean clothes to change into…can I borrow some more?"

I swallowed hard, and quickly stalked by her, my shaky hands holding my own towel in place. I began yanking out another sweet smelling undershirt, and a pair of basketball shorts for her. When I about faced, offering the new outfit to her, she was staring at me, her head tilted slightly to the side.

At first, I thought she was looking into my eyes, but a cold chill of dread and panic filled me. I dropped the shirt and shorts to the floor as my hands shot to my head. My bare, uncovered head.

Every joint in my body locked rigid into place, making me a perfect example of a deer caught in headlights. I wanted to scream, and hide, and cry simultaneously. I pondered if she could see how viciously my body was shaking from that distance.

"I don't think I've ever seen you without your hat before," she mused, her head cocking to the other side. I prayed that my hands were big enough to hide what my hat usually hid. She crossed the room, and ever so gently, her hands wrapped around my wrists and painfully slowly drew them down to my sides.

The criss-crossing scars, the dent on the left side of my skull, and the tufts of black hair, growing sporadically in different awkward places, were open for her scrutiny. My knees wobbled weakly as I watched her face for the expressions I had feared my whole life seeing; horror, disgust, fear, confusion and maybe even dark humor.

Her freshly bathed face was inches from mine. It was completely clean, not even her daily blue eyeshadow in place to darken her lids. I could see every tiny detail of her face, and I wondered if anyone other than her sister's had ever seen her this raw and exposed. Her eyes, unshaded from their usual blue awning, held nothing but pure curiosity as one of her hands gently stroked my neck and nude scalp. "This is from that surgery you told me about, that day in the library?" she asked.

"Yes," I choked. "It was a irregularity in my amygdala, the part of the brain associated with memory and emotion…the after math isn't lovely."

"Huh," she huffed, stroking my imperfections kindly. "Did it leave any lasting effects?"

"You mean, other than the crippling self-image, terrible disfigurement and ridiculous anxiety over everything?" I grunted sarcastically, her gentle rubs slowly easing my tension. "No, I don't think so." She glared at me, her scowl having no real heat, before returning her gaze to just above my eyes, where the daily reminders of the operation were.

"Well, without all that terrible, you wouldn't have any good," she said.

"What _good_?" I said incredulously. She stood on her tip toes, and right over the bumpy ridge of one of the larger scars, trailed kisses along the length.

"You wouldn't have this amazing, perfectly flawless brain," she cooed, sitting back on her heels again with a grin, once again several inches shorter than me.

"You don't know that," I argued.

"Yes, I do," she sang, turning around and plucking the fresh clothes I'd gathered for her from the ground by our feet. And just like that, it was over. An anxiety and fear, a flaw that I'd fretted over my entire life, was accepted in the blink of an eye by Marie Kanker. This moment, where someone I wasn't sure I could trust completely saw me in my hideous true form, hadn't fallen into the gasps of terror and jeers of laughter as I had thought she would. She just took it in stride, as if I was completely…normal.

"You're… absolutely immaculate, are you aware of that?" I sighed, the last of my panic slipping away and leaving a content I had never felt around another before.

"Yeah? Tell me more, it's about time I heard it," she smiled playfully from scooping her fabrics from the floor. When she straightened, I leaned in and laid a nervous peck on her lips. When I pulled away quickly, she grinned patiently and leaned in closer, beginning a longer kiss. This kiss was easy, tender, unlike the adrenaline filled kisses of the night before. This kiss was just as light and gentle as the sunlight that was slipping through the blinds.

When she placed her soft palm on my bare chest, I remembered myself and our natural state. My muscles tensed, and she must've felt my sudden change of ease, as she pulled back immediately, her hand returning to hold her towel about her.

"I'm- I'm sorry," I stuttered immediately, mentally cursing my sudden anxiety.

"Don't apologize, you don't have anything to be sorry for," she said, offering a small smile.

"Just…let me…" I made crazy and wild hand gestures, not sure how to put my thoughts to word, but she nodded as if she completely understood me. She stood stock still, her eyes relaxing and encouraging.

I fumbled with my towel and tightened it around my waist, ensuring it would stay put when I released it. When I was certain it was secured, I reached out across the arm length's distance and lightly placed my fingertips on her bare shoulders. Her grip tighten on the towel tucked beneath her arms, holding her modesty in place for me as I tentatively tested the soft curve of her skin. Gradually, I pressed my hand firmer and firmer against her bare skin, swallowing hard. She nodded encouragingly, and whispered that I was doing well.

I leaned in and stole a quick, nervous kiss. I stole another, and another, slowly allowing myself to get used to the feeling of her soft lips and smooth skin beneath my fingers simultaneously. So far, things were going well. I shuffled forward a little, bringing her closer and deepening the kiss. I slipped my tongue between her lips, and shivered when our mouths linked together, our first truly intimate act.

I felt my arousal rise, and with it, a panic. I broke the kiss and took a steadying breath, closing my eyes tightly. When it felt manageable again, I leaned in and kissed her patient lips. When I felt comfortable moving further forward, I tucked my body against hers, our lengths touching, two towels hiding our most personal features.

"I'm sorry," I gasped as I pulled away again, the panic rising quickly once more.

"Don't worry, take it slow," she cooed, not reaching out to touch me, just using the sound of her voice to comfort. "You don't have anything to apologize for." When I felt in control again, I pressed my body against her and kissed her again, finally wrapping my arms around her waist. After a moment, I placed her hand carefully around my neck.

Things were moving at a terribly slow pace; I needed a break very often, taking a moment to squash the mental scars of months before, trying to separate past from present and enjoy Marie and I's relationship, and the things it entailed. She waited ever so patiently, smiling encouragingly whenever I pulled away with fear.

I felt like I was on a tightrope, my whole body tense, as I tried to balance and keep the speed manageable for myself. Trying to cross this divide, between happiness and pain, between ever being with a woman I truly loved and always reliving an echoing nightmare, was treacherous, and taking too many quick steps at any given time would throw me down the canyon's depth.

After what felt like years, I was comfortable with our bodies pressed together and our lips locked, but I ended it quickly and put myself the next step forward, constantly pushing myself to move to further intimacy. I questioningly looked at Marie, and she nodded with a smile that told me I was doing well.

I slowly pulled her towel down, revealing the beginning curve of her small breasts. I halted, my heart pounding, the memories threatening to overwhelm me. "Hey," she whispered, catching my eye. "You're in control," she stated reassuringly. I blinked dumbly, and she said it again. I swallowed with a nod, and felt myself grow more confident. _I'm in control,_ I thought to myself.

I gave her towel one last tug, and it pooled around her ankles on the floor. Her naked form was lovely; svelte and athletic. As panic began to clamor up my throat, I told myself firmly that I was in control, I was in control, and I could feel myself gain a handle on it.

I slowly stroked her revealed form, the soft curve of her waist, the raised bump of her pink nipple, the ridge of her collarbone. As I allowed my fingers and eyes explore her more, I felt my apprehension slip away.

I finally wiggled loose my own towel, and we stood there, staring at each other, both bare in the gentle sunlight of an early morning. I was everything nude that she wasn't; I was pencil thin, with a complete and total lack of muscle toning. When she opened her mouth, I didn't expect her to say, "You're perfect."

I snorted in disbelief and pulled her close into a hug that nothing kept us apart in, not even air. When I felt her skin against mine, it wasn't what I expected. After all of Eddy's bragging about his various partners, I expected heat and fire, something that would light me up in a raging and uncontrollable inferno. Instead, every inch of skin she touch grew cool and comfortable, like I could hold her like this forever, our arms tight and rubbing each other's backs comfortingly.

I pulled back a little and began another deep and suggestive kiss, shivering with excitement and pleasure. Everywhere she touched, as her hands skimmed my shoulder blades, my waist, my chest, she extinguished a wildfire I never knew existed. I wanted her cool, healing touch everywhere, and I pressed insistently against her, craving it.

My arousal was clear, my hardened cock standing at guilt free attention. It was pressed between us, riding up her flat stomach. It twitched impatiently, eager to keep moving forward. I broke the kiss, gasping for air, and led her quickly to my neatly made bed. She sprang excitedly onto it before me, flipping onto her back with a sexy giggle that sent a shiver up my spine. I crawled onto my bed clumsily, the springiness of the mattress holding a new, more suggestive purpose.

I settled between her legs and pushed her strong thighs apart impatiently. Her chest rose and fell quickly, breathes silent and expectative. I stared at her sex, enamored with its heady, clean scent. I'd examined countless diagrams of the female reproductive system, spent time labeling the parts and functions, but I felt completely new to the sight. Nothing in any diagram or textbook could have prepared me for the gently curve of her inner thigh, the curly bed of blue hair, the gentle pink coloring of her vaginal lips, and the darker, more suggestive shades beneath.

I lightly dragged my fingertips, allowing them to skim across the flawless skin of her pussy lips, weaving between the coarse hair gently. She sighed in anticipation, wiggling her hips impatiently, but letting me keep the pace. I slowly pushed my thin index finger inside of her, and as a moan slipped from her lips, I felt the fear rev inside of me, the onslaught of memories trying to drag me away.

I froze and she froze, and as I told myself over and over that I was still in control, I felt my shaky, nervous confidence return. I pushed again inside of her, and the slick walls of her tight cunt hugged my finger. As I slowly pumped in and out of her, exploring the new experience, she hummed with pleasure. She grinded her hips slightly against my knuckles, allowing me to still have control, but slowly allowing herself to ask for more.

Ever so often, the fear would settle upon me again, and we'd have to take a break, but the panic attacks became shorter and shorter, and even further between. The next time she moaned, I braced myself for a wave of anxiety, and was elated that one never came.

I pushed inside of her faster and faster, each pump of my hand causing her breath to palpitate in pleasure. Between my legs, my member twitched in anticipation, eager to move even further forward. With a slick sound, my finger slid from her sex, and I leaned forward, gliding my wet tongue along her moist opening.

She bucked under my mouth, her breath sucking into her lungs with surprise loudly. I lead my tongue from teasing around her opening to just above her lips, where I knew from my studies her clitoris was. A few clumsy moments passed, and I could feel myself grow warm with embarrassment as I struggle to hit the right spot.

"Edward,' she breathed, " go a little more to the ri-" her sentence stopped short as I suddenly flicked over a small, almost unnoticeable bump, her breath hitching on the last word and rising in pitch to a moan. An experimental lick elicited another whimper of pleasure from her, and I knew I'd found her sweet spot. I pushed her hips into the mattress and began to massage her clit rhythmically, and she squirmed beneath the attention. My name was whispered repetitively over and over again, her breath rapid and noisy.

When my tongue grew tired, I pulled my body to hover over hers, my thin arms supporting my weight by her head. We stared at each other silently, both on the cusp of exploding at any given moment. "We can stop if you want to," she whispered. "We don't have to go any further if you don't want to." I shook my head rapidly; the last thing in the world I wanted to do was stop.

I lowered my hips on bated breath, lightly pressing my rock hard cock against where I thought her pussy should've been. I felt the sensitive head of my dick press against her cool thighs, and felt impatience with my aim grow. "Here, more to the left," she whispered encouragingly, shifting her body beneath me slightly. The next time I pushed against her, I could feel the wet circle of her vagina encircle my dick. I paused, expecting a wave of nausea, a wall of panic, some sort of aversion. Nothing came, and my sexual anticipation was going to make me explode.

I pushed inside of her, and watched as her mouth opened wider and wider, like her tight cunt, spreading for my stiff penis, as I pressed deeper in. A shiver ran the length of my spine, tensing every muscle in my body as my shaft disappeared inside of her. I gasped as I pulled back out slowly, feeling her wet hole begging me not to leave.

I kept a steady, relaxed pace, savoring the wet sounds our bodies made as I pushed back inside of her, the way it felt for her tight walls to massage my hypersensitive head. Her eyes were shut as she relaxed underneath me, her mouth slightly open, moaning in time with my thrusts as she allowed me to control the sex. I balanced on one hand and allowed my other hand to explore her curves, from the jut of her collarbone, to the gentle curve of her breast, leading to a peaked nipple, down the slope of her waist, to the handle of her hipbone. Her body, as opposed to her warm cunt, was cool and refreshing. As I began to piston faster inside of her, my hand greedily groped at her smooth skin, dying to touch her all at once. I leaned forward and rested on my elbows, so that as I pushed my throbbing member inside of her, the length of our bodies brushed each other. Everywhere we touched, her cool flesh chilled my heated skin, extinguishing fires I had never even known existed. I wanted her everywhere, her calm, relaxing temperature healing the inferno I was ablaze in.

As my hot orgasm grew closer and closer, the contrast between the heat in my sex and the chill of her body on mine grew intense. I whispered I was about to come, my breath chopping up the sentence. Her hand, which had been clutching my back desperately, shot between her legs and began to rub her clit in between my thrusts.

When my climax finally broke across me, I thought I was going to black out. The electric pleasure that erupted from the head of my swollen dick was blinding, locking every joint in my body. The heat seared my pelvis, while the cool caress of her skin against mine isolated the heat and made it more intense.

Just as my orgasm's peak was passing, Marie's back arched beneath me as she screamed in pleasure, her hand a blur between us. Her free hand clawed into my back sharply as her pussy tightened around me, causing me to moan gutturally as she rubbed against my cock's tip, which was in its sensitized afterglow.

Her climax lasted a bit longer than mine, but I knew she had also reached her afterglow when her arms went limp, and her rigid body slackened beneath me. As I pulled out of her slowly, the slick sound of my quivering cock exiting her caused me to shiver with pleasure before I flopped beside her, my chest heaving. We huffed beside each other for a few minutes, neither of us speaking.

"Wow," I breathed, slapping my hand to my forehead.

"How do you feel?" she asked inquisitively, flipping on her side and propping her head up on her hand.

"Great!" I said enthusiastically. She giggled and curled up beside me, a content grin still playing on her lips. I slipped my hand beneath her and pulled her close, resting her head on my chest as I stared at the ceiling. I felt… indescribable. I'd been fearful of how I would be able to love a woman, how long it would take me to fully move on from the past. I'd been worried I would never be able to feel guiltless pleasure again.

I probed my happiness, and couldn't find a speck of regret or pain inside of myself. I smiled uncontrollably at the ceiling, reliving the past half an hour in my head, wishing it had never ended. Time passed, and I began to believe that she had fallen asleep atop me when she sighed and sat up, tucking her blue hair behind her ear as she looked down at me.

"I'd better get going, my sisters went home a while ago, and I bet my mom's about to wake up," she said, smiling at me.

"Noooo, remain here," I whined, trying to pull her back down to me again. She laughed and wiggled free from my grasp, bouncing out of bed playfully.

"Come on, walk me home," she laughed, scooping up the forgotten clothes I had gotten her earlier. I watched her, mesmerized as she moved about the room, seeing how her tits jiggled as she hopped into my shorts, the way the sun lit up her flat stomach. "What're you doing?" she asked, in false accusation.

I blinked rapidly, startled from my reverie at being caught. "Oh, uh, nothing, just, well, thinking of the homework I've got later," I spluttered, scrambling from bed and beginning to dress.

"Right," she snorted, a knowing smirk on her face. We dressed quickly, then thundered down the stairs together, our hands interlocked, as I returned to the guest bathroom on the first floor to reclaim my hat. I pulled it onto its original placement, and helped Marie gather her belongings, throwing her fancy dress from the night before over my shoulders. I glared at her accusingly when I noticed the raised ridges of red nail marks that crisscrossed across my shoulder blades, and with a flip of her blue hair, she apologized insincerely.

As she opened the front door for the both of us, I yawned sleepily into my hand and squeezed my eyes shut against the bright morning light. Outside, birds sang cheerily, and the sprinklers across the street at Johnny's house were hissing. Marie swung our hands in time to our steps, and we talked about any topic that came to mind.

 **Hope you liked it! Goodness, I had such a hard time writing these past weeks. Finals are done now, though, so the conclusion chapter of this story should be up in a much more acceptable time frame. Thanks for all the patience guys! –YoungandRestless**


	16. Young Adults (Conclusion)

The remainder of my senior year is but a blur in my rearview mirror. After prom, everyone refocused quickly onto their approaching finals. Marie's determination grew, and she came over to my house regularly now to study with me. I was ecstatic to find a study buddy that was just as devoted as myself.

The most radical change was found in Eddy, who suddenly quit ditching classes and was no longer being assigned detention. A week after the dance, he had received an email from the admissions counselor of his first choice university. It stated that, should he improve his GPA by .5, they would accept him. Realizing that these last few weeks were a Hail Mary attempt to reach his dream college, he straightened up quickly, much to the teacher's appreciation.

Ed, whose grades had been better than Eddy's up until then, had already been accepted into his own choice college. He was no longer worried about being accepted into his own university. He now was working with the disabilities office there to be admitted into the autistic program there, which would give him longer timelines on each of his assignments, assistance in difficult classes, and a slew of other supports. I was very proud of him for not allowing his circumstances to hold him back.

After a long discussion of weighing the pros and cons with my parents, we decided Princeton's Molecular Biology major was the best for myself. Being a pharmacist as opposed to a surgeon would hopefully give me more standardized hours, and a chance to come home to the family I hoped to start some day.

Speaking of my parents, the fit they threw when they discovered I was romantically involved with Marie Kanker was astounding; imagine two male gorillas tearing apart their enclosure, and you might come close to the amount of anger and frustration they had. They told me their various reasons, listed them clearly for me; she wasn't "like" us, she wasn't going anywhere in life, they didn't like the way she "presented" herself, the stuttered excuses dragged on and on. I was respectful, and listened to what they had to say, but there isn't anything on this Earth that I can think of that would make me want to leave her now. They'd never say it to me directly, but I believe they just associate her with the riff raff of the lower socioeconomic class.

Marie spent most her free time with me, when she wasn't keeping house or watching her nephew. Although I offered several times after the dance to help her again around her home, she refused stubbornly. I believe the embarrassment of what happened the last time I was at her residence made her uncomfortable with the idea of me being around the house.

Graduation snuck up on us just as the stress of finals testing left. When they announced that we were the graduating class, our caps spiraled through the air, carried up by our shouts of triumph. I began clawing my way through the crowd of gowned bodies, trying to find Ed or Eddy, Marie or her sisters, but instead bumped into an unexpected person.

As I shouted an apology over the cheers and crying, Nazz about faced and blinked at me in surprise. The panic never came. I didn't feel myself slipping or drowning as I once did in her proximity. The only thing that slid over me and between us was awkwardness. The two of us were an island of stillness in turbulent surf of rejoicing young adults. After prom, I never thought of Nazz again. If I saw her in the hallway, or she saw myself, we'd walk by, strangers by circumstance. If something at school, a project or what have you, forced our interaction, it was polite and calm, nothing more.

Yet here we were, at the most accomplished moment of both of our lives, staring at each other, unsure. Around us, time moved on, as the boys pumped their fists in the air and the ladies screamed as they group hugged.

"Congratulations, Double D," she said, smiling a reserved but sincere grin. "Great speech, too, I knew they'd pick you as valedictorian."

"Thanks, Nazz, good luck with your endeavors," I nodded, offering my own grin. Her smile widened for a second, then she turned away. She didn't offer a hug or a handshake, and I wouldn't have accepted either had they been extended. No, I hadn't forgiven her. I don't think anyone could expect me to. But in this moment, of falling caps and fluttering confetti, of swirling robes and tears of joy, I couldn't find any anger or resentment. Looking back on her, I still can't find any hate; I suppose that growing up together, it was hard for me not to move on.

"Great speech, Double D!" May shouted, launching onto my back with a snorted giggle, her graduation robe swirling around us. I stumbled under her sudden weight and thanked her. As I turned around, I found all the people who mattered to me the most. Ed and Eddy smacked me on the back, Marie kissed my cheek, and we shared a group hug. Lee weaved her way through the crowd, with Shay on her hip and congratulated her sister and us young men. When Ed asked who the baby was, Lee proudly said it was her son, and I seized up momentarily, fearing the reaction.

"I didn't know you had a baby!" Ed smiled greatly, taking the baby gently and making silly faces. Eddy chuckled and commented how strong Shay's grip was on his finger. May's eyes could've been filled with all the stars in the sky with how her gaze lit up when Ed began to play with the child.

"He's getting big, that's for sure," Lee smiled endearingly. The Kanker's mother wasn't present, but my parents, Eddy's, and Ed's all came over, waving their hands, shouting their congratulations. Sarah joined the fray, giving Eddy and I a tight hug before squeezing her brother.

"It'll be your turn next year, baby sister," Ed smiled. Sarah glowed with excitement, and when she asked whose baby he was holding, he proudly declared it Lee's. I saw my parents own eyes narrow; this was just another piece of evidence in their case against Marie's character, having a teen mom for a sister. However, dating Marie and getting to know her and her family gave me a different perspective. Being poor, having a baby young, having to miss class, and working crappy jobs didn't mean that the Kanker's were somehow worth less than us. The sisters were trying to be better people than their mother, and that's all anyone could expect of them.

The summer after graduation was short. I got a job at a retail store, and gave the majority of my paycheck to Marie. My full ride tuition at Princeton, and the fiscal support of my parents, meant I wasn't hurting for funds. Marie had gotten her final report card in the mail, and she had ended her final semester in high school with all B's and two A's. It was better than she had ever done before, and although I was proud of her, more importantly, she was proud of herself.

Eddy got an acceptance letter in the mail, and Ed received a call that he himself had been admitted to the autistic services at his university. Shay began walking, and now that he was mobile, May quit her own job to help Lee. Marie kept working insane hours at the gas station, determined; she wanted to go to college. May herself wanted to go to college, but decided to wait and help at home, at least until Shay was old enough to go to preschool. Lee, whenever asked what she wanted to do, would shrug and would say that someday, she'd take her high school equivalency exam, but right now, Shay was her priority. Between the two sisters, I was certain Shay was going to be spoiled with love.

May, Marie, and Lee had moved out from their mother's home and had found a greasy rental home some ways away. Lee didn't want to raise her child in such a toxic environment. When I asked if they worried about their mother ever, May had snorted coldly, "Why? She's a grown woman, let her take care of herself for a change." I couldn't imagine not caring about my parents, but I knew that I had never had to face the mistreatment they did. I decided it was a part of their lives I wouldn't dig into. Between Lee and Marie's paycheck, the house was kept decently.

Marie and I saved for a potential college fund together. Now that Eddy and Ed knew about Lee's child, there were no secrets between the six of us, and we spent a majority of our free time at their house. If Lee came home and was too tired from work to care for Shay, there were usually five other pairs of hands reaching to hold him. The summer flew by, and it was one of the happiest moments in my life.

I wish that this story ended joyously, and not bitter sweetly. By summer's end, Marie and I hadn't saved enough to send her to the nearby community college, although she was accepted. For now, she's working overtime in a rusty gas station, trying to keep her goal in sight. When I hopped on the plane to head to Princeton, I hugged her last, right after my parents, their noses still upturned to my girlfriend.

I've just finished my second semester, and in my new car, Ed and Eddy are bickering about what song to play next. I'm ignoring them, trying to keep my eyes on the road. Last night, I flew into town, and us three pals shared a hotel room for the night. All of us had stayed at our respective campuses over the holiday breaks, and it was the first time we'd gotten to catch up face to face since August; it was now May. Nearly a year since we'd seen each other, or been home in Peach Creek.

"Please, desist!" I shout in panic when someone's elbow juts into my field of vision. I park the car in front of Eddy's parent's home quietly. "Eddy, get out!" I hiss. Eddy jabs at Ed in the backseat one last time, then flops out the passenger door.

"You're gonna' come back and get me later, right, Sockhead?" he asks, raising one eyebrow. I tell him I will while Ed's clumsily falls into the free passenger seat from the backseat.

"You're not gonna' stop and see your parents, Double D?" Ed asks, staring out the window as I drive away from the cul-de-sac. Ed's own parents are at an awards ceremony at Peach Creek High, where Sarah is receiving something of note. Ed will be seeing his family later tonight.

"I will, I just want to see Marie first," I grin, glancing into my rearview mirror at my childhood home; no cars in the driveway. My folks aren't home from the hospital yet. The plan was I was going to pick up Eddy from his house in a few hours, and we were going to have a welcome home party at the Kanker sister's.

I pull up to the curb of the small house, and the door flys open, a small toddler bouncing towards us. "Eddies!" Shay calls, his red hair sticking about messily.

"Shay Kanker, you get back in this house this very inst-" May's words are cut short as she sees who is climbing out of my car. She bolts past her nephew and flings herself into Ed's arms. I quickly scramble from the car and kneel down so Shay has someone to run to. I wrap the tike in my arms, amazed with how much he now weighs, and how much more he's talking. As I stand with him on my hip, Lee comes out to us, shaking her head with an endearing smile.

"He almost knocked me over!" I call to his mother, squeezing his cheek teasingly as Shay giggles.

"He never stops eating nowadays," Lee responds, holding her arms open as she tucks a white rag into her jean band to free her hands. "It's great to see ya', Love Mitten," she says, hugging me tightly.

"Again, with the names?" I laugh good-naturedly as we part and I hand her son back to her. "Where's Marie?" I asked anxiously, as I share a hug with May.

"She's at work," Lee says as she releases Ed from a hug as well.

"Same place?" I ask, already jogging around to the driver's door again.

"Same place," May grins, wrapping her arms around Ed again.

"I'll be back soon with her and Eddy," I shout, my shaky hands shoving the key back into the ignition. Shay begins to cry and reach for me, and I reassure the child I'll be back soon with her aunt and the third part of the "Eddies". Lee invites Ed to come inside with all his bags as I floor it recklessly, desperate to get to the gas station.

I, a man of law and order, am driving five miles over the speed limit, trying to fly to her. When I come to a screeching halt in the paved lot, which is empty, the glass door to the tiny convenience store bangs open. I scuffle from the car and brace for her impact. She sprints across the cracked black top, her nametag bouncing against her chest, and slams into me, both of us colliding with my car as it holds us up. She feels just as I remember. She smells just as I remember. And as my tears flow freely and we share our first kiss in nearly a year, I find she tastes just as I remember too. The ache of missing her gives way as we sob, clinging to each other. As I cradle her against me, in the cracked parking lot of a filthy gas station, my back screaming in pain from the hours of driving, I can't help but to think of myself as lucky.

 **Thanks for reading, guys! I'd like to apologize to all my readers who were hanging onto this story at the end of each chapter, waiting for updates. I myself just got home from college, so I'm very sorry about the long pauses in activity between chapters. Thanks again!**


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